The Five Times Karma Has Bitten Me Hard

'Karma' in large capital letters

I’m a strong believer in what goes around comes around. Every negative thing you do, or thought you give out, will come back and hit you hard. Karma, it can be a real bitch, right? It wasn’t until after I had children, that I realised I in no way been living by my own rules… As I constantly ponder how life was before children, and how I expected I would be performing in my life’s ultimate starring role as Super Parent (*coughs and ahems whilst surveying the house which is a tip, and the cupboard filled with bribe treats*) and how I also continue to be overly optimistic with how well I’m going to do in this role, the role that karma has played in these ponderings frantically sprang to mind. Pre children, I had committed some terrible sins, and here are the five most prolific times that karma came galloping around the corner, and bit me hard on the bum in order to show me that I need to heed my own mantras…!

Waaaay Before Children…
So, we’d be off to meet our friends on a Saturday night. We’d have napped most of the afternoon, having had a massive lay in already that morning. When it came to getting ready, we’d sit on the bed drinking wine, listening to loud music. We’d also have had little digs at our friends with children, who had dictated the time we met, and where we met (why did it have to be so close to where they lived? Why did they have to arrive so late? Couldn’t the babysitter put the children to bed??) So clearly, Karma swooped in as soon as we had our own children, all dark and moody, annoyed that we had dared to naively dig at our friends, and gave us our first child, who now will ONLY be put to bed by my husband, followed by child number 2, who will ONLY be put to bed by me. They will also only be settled by said favourite parent, should they wake up of an evening. Thus, karma dictates that now, our friends can have a dig at us for dictating what time we meet and where, that it’s close to our house, moan that we are late, and ask why the babysitter can’t just put our children to bed. Or, they can just forget about us entirely, because we are too frightened to go out, ever….!!

2 images, one showing makeup, dvds, music, and hair straighteners. The other showing some 'going out' clothes to choose from.

(Getting ready to go out was a leisurely affair…)

Immediately Postpartum
So pretty much my whole life, (well, as soon as I was aware that being pregnant might change your body,) I was going to be one of those people who pinged straight back into shape. Of course I would be, the baby would come out, and my tummy would be flat, yes? And if this wasn’t the case for other women, they had definitely taken to ‘eating for 2,’ (clearly not necessary.) Well, karma was on this one like a rat up a drainpipe. I was stupefied to find that I had put on 3 stone post baby. But, I ate sensibly all the way through? But, I forced myself to run on a treadmill until I was 7 months pregnant? But, I was still running around doing 14 hour shifts until the week before he came out? HOW COULD THIS BE?? Not content with that, once the initial sack of spuds tummy had started to deflate, karma then decided that for being such a judgmental dufus, I was to be given a large roll of skin on my belly, that will never shrink or go away, and be a permanent reminder of my douche baggery.

When weaning
I had friends who had total weaning nightmares. Babies who refused solids, and seemed to despise anything solid going their way, for months on end. I had friends who quickly realised their children had intolerances to a lot of foods, and had the pain of checking every single thing that went in their mouths, to the letter. My baby, however, ate everything. He gobbled up my beautifully blended purees, at the times Annabel Karmel dictated he should have them. Then he moved on to positively delighting in a fish pie, or vegetable lasagne, with a side of extra veg to chew on, while I tidied up. I secretly delighted in my victory, and marveled at my perfectly weaned child, his obvious innate love of fruit and vegetables (he gets it from me!!) and wondered if I should contact Nigella, and tell her she was out of a job-my cooking prowess was obviously up there with the best of them. But of course, Karma was having none of this. Karma loved wiping the smile from my face, by making my child reduce his diet to include only 3 things:
Cheerios on the rocks (dry, no milk.)
Cheerios with a side of peanut butter.
Cheerio dust (crushed ones from the floor.)
An occasional foraged raisin from the floor may also occasionally make its way in there, just to mix things up a bit.

2 imges, 1 shows cheerios with a side of peanut butter, the other shows cheerios covered in dust from the floor.

(And todays menu: Cheerios from the floor, some crushed, and covered in dust, and cheerios with a side of peanut butter…)

When my first child was so beautifully placid
My first baby was the definition of chilled. Open a dictionary, look at ‘chilled,’ and there he’d be! Anywhere I took him, he played quietly, and was never intrusive to anyone else’s activity. I’d get so upset if another child hit or pushed him, because he always looked so shocked and wounded. Under my breath, I’d be cursing the parent, and wondering how they’d managed to raise such a monster. Of course, by thinking that, I was basically opening my arms to Karma, and inviting it to do its worst. As a result of giving other mums my best resting bitch face when their child hurt mine, Karma sent us baby number 2, who isn’t nicknamed Mini Assassin for nothing… He bites. He scratches. He kicks. If there is a scuffle, and a child is left is running towards its mother screaming like its being chased by the devil itself, I know that Mini Assassin will be the perpetrator of the crime. Now I just feel massive sympathy for any mum whose child hurts another, and is getting an ear bashing from the perfect parent army-karma has definitely seen to that.

2 pictures, one shows a small boy throwing a punch, the other, a small boy putting his hand up to the camera, as if to say 'leave me alone.'

(An assassin child in action…!)

Thinking about the future…
Karma often makes me pore over what I feel are my parenting mistakes, and beat myself up over my parenting regrets. It has made me see the error of my ways, and laugh at my pre-baby self’s naivety, and my lapses in sympathy for parents of other difficult (*assassin*) children. I hope that karma hasn’t noticed the times I’ve tutted as I’ve walked past a group of noisy teenagers, high on a heady mixture of cheap cider, teenage hormones, and the tiniest touch of their first sense of freedom. I know what karma will do with that judgment, by turning the future image of the angel teenagers I have in my head, swotting over extra homework that they’ve asked for voluntarily, into *ahem* images of myself as a teenager, also high on the same things… I’m one step ahead of you here karma!!

Remember-Karma is always watching, and is always ready to swoop in and make you see the error of your ways!

xoxo

This post first appeared as a guest post for Motherhood: The Real Deal as part of her #MyFiveThings series.

61 Comments

  1. July 24, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    I pretty much laughed my way through this whole post, then got a bit worried that bad karma might head my way!!! Really well written, shows how little we knew pre-babies. Probably for the best too! #bigpinklink

  2. July 25, 2016 / 6:15 am

    There are so many things in parenting we can’t prepare for, no matter how much we think we can and try. I don’t know if it’s karma but I’m learning to take each day as it comes. #bigpinklink

  3. July 25, 2016 / 7:11 am

    You haven’t made mistakes! This is just the way kids are I think. It is aghhh though!!

  4. July 25, 2016 / 7:53 am

    I totally believe in karma!! I’m trying extra hard not to be judge-y or expectant over anything during pregnancy, as I just know that everything I have a sly dig at will come and hit me twice as hard. I love your photos too, really sums up the ominous nature of the dreaded karma! #bigpinklink

  5. July 25, 2016 / 8:10 am

    Oh gosh it is so true, our pre-baby selves are so naive! And yes remembering my teenage self is worrying as my daughter becomes a teen next year!!!! #bigpinklink

  6. July 25, 2016 / 8:35 am

    I love this – Karma does deal a cruel hand so often! We are right there with you on the weaning front and had a baby who ate perfectly…literally everything from the Annabel Karmel master bible. Then hit 11 months…BAM…she will only eat Organix crisps and cheese. Eeeek how can this be?! Brilliant post! #bigpinklink

  7. July 25, 2016 / 8:38 am

    My two boys could not be more different either and I was equally unprepared for how much harder it was to have two children instead of just one!

    Nothing like having children to make you re-evaluate all your previous thoughts on having children! #BigPinkLink

  8. July 25, 2016 / 8:43 am

    Aww, Karma..i feel like it has come to get me since I became a parent too. I also have an assassin child and used to think judgemental things about parents of badly behaved toddlers, I know realise it is totally not their fault and what those poor parents need is a hug and a reassuring smile or a bottle of wine! I am dreading the teenage years!!xx #bigpinklink

  9. July 25, 2016 / 8:54 am

    Oh I can relate to this. Especially the going out pre-children and now. Basically, we have now had to accept that we can’t really have a social life at the moment as it is impossible •sobs*. I also have a child that will only eat dry cheerios. In fact she is eating them right now! #bigpinklink

  10. July 25, 2016 / 8:56 am

    Ah I miss getting ready for a night out pre kids! How times change x #bigpinklink

  11. July 25, 2016 / 9:03 am

    My mum always tells me that my children are my karma when they are playing up! I dread the teenage years haha. Just think though, for every negative bit of karma our kids give us back, there’s a whole load of good karma coming our way through cuddles, kisses, and laughter… so we must be doing something right in karma’s eyes 😉 #bigpinklink

  12. The Tale of Mummyhood
    July 25, 2016 / 9:09 am

    I am a firm believer in Karma too and have been so guilty of everything in this list! The worst being my pre-parent self judging the Mother with the screamy, whiny children entertaining themselves around Tesco by emptying the shelves. You guessed it, the parent of that child is now me! Serves me right, haha!

    #bigpinklink

  13. July 25, 2016 / 9:29 am

    Oh indeed…the things I thought about those with children before I had mine…how much ‘better’ I would manage…WAAAAYYYY too much time on my hands to think that rot! #bigpinklink

  14. July 25, 2016 / 11:04 am

    This is so good, as always your writing is fantastic. I love your honesty, I think it takes a lot to admit your mistakes. I have definitely made plenty in the past, I remember thinking my sister was silly for letting her kids sleep in her bed occasionally… I’m only 8 months in and there are a lot of nights where my baby ends up in mine. And I was also naive, thinking I would leave him all the time to go places and get babysitters for evenings out… I’ve never left him for more than 4 hours!! There are probably many other things but it’s too depressing to think about them on a Monday afternoon 😂 #bigpinklink

  15. July 25, 2016 / 11:11 am

    Yep, just because you can’t actually see Karma, sure as hell doesn’t mean it’s not lurking around the corner ready to prance on you for God know’s what you said or did in the past. You can run but you can’t hide from Karma, that is for sure! We were only chatting about what we use to do ‘pre-nips’ a few days back and it is such a foreign world away from todays schedule with 2 nippers it’s hard to believe we actually did it! I enjoyed reading this post, nice work 🙂

  16. July 25, 2016 / 11:15 am

    The good thing about Karma, is the more good you do the more good you get! I’m quite lucky I think, my daughter is pretty laid back but I think that’s because we’ve moved three times and she’s used to visiting her dad and grandparents and has done since she was quite young, it’s good really that she can adapt so well. As much as I think a good routine is important, sometimes it’s nice to shake things up a bit or get out or even have a date night! It must feel a bit rushed if you’ve got to do all the bedtime routine first. #BigPinkLink

  17. July 25, 2016 / 11:16 am

    I loved reading this post! I too believe in karma, but realise that it must also be taken with a pinch of salt! Thank you for sharing all your thoughts – they made for an interesting read. Alison x #bigpinklink

  18. July 25, 2016 / 11:51 am

    I remember feeling so smug when my daughter started baby-led weaning and ate everything we put in front of her – only to have karma bite me in the a**e when she turned 9 months old and started throwing everything on the floor. For pretty much an entire month. She’s a bit better now, but now that she’s a bit older knows how to say ‘no’, I imagine we’re in for some rocky toddler years. #bigpinklink

  19. July 25, 2016 / 11:56 am

    This is brilliant and so, so true!!! I also never got why my parent friends couldn’t really go out much or made such a huge deal when they did have a night out. Now I am that person and also have 2 children who refuse to be put to bed by anyone but me and my husband!
    Glad you are one step ahead of Karma now though 😉
    #bigpinklink

  20. July 25, 2016 / 12:41 pm

    Haha this certainly rings true with us. Yes,those pre-child nights out were organised very differently and our two children sound similarly different to yours: we too have one devil child and one angel!
    Potty Adventures
    #bigpinklink

  21. July 25, 2016 / 12:48 pm

    Yes to all of this! I had my terrible baby first and so karma rewarded me with a second who slept all the time and ate everything – until she clued in that her sister liked to refuse everything. Now they both have their days…
    I can only imagine what karma has in store for hubby and I as these girls head towards tween and teens and independence!
    ~Jess
    #bigpinklink

  22. July 25, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    Haha I think the pre-children one is true of most people – my friends have definitely been cursing me now! Their time will come 😛 #BigPinkLink

  23. July 25, 2016 / 2:38 pm

    haha perfect parent army karma. made me chuckle. im certain if I had a second, they’d be a complete monkey. on the whole my bubba has been fairly good :/ arghhh #bigpinklink

  24. July 25, 2016 / 3:43 pm

    Lucy, this made me smile. 13 years after my youngest arrived I am still battling with the postpartum effects on having brought my two gorgeous teenagers into the world and am constantly looking for another means of tackling it other than the knife! In fact my post this week is on my latest endeavours to rid myself of it pre holiday – only 5 days to go. Also “Thinking About The Future” , I am there with those independence seeking teenagers and it is laced with new challenges. Watch out my dear, it won’t be long. #bigpinklink

  25. July 25, 2016 / 4:38 pm

    I’m very much in agreement with all of this *points at it all*. I remember about 8 years ago going on a group holiday to Orlando in a villa. There were 9 of us, mostly adults and all very good friends, but including one couple who had two very tiny children (we’re talking two under 3s). At the time I remember displaying some spectacular ” douche baggery” along the lines of “How long does it take to get two small children ready to go out?” and “What do they mean they’ll need to stay in on the last night to pack?” and “Who in God’s name queues 2 hours for Winnie The Pooh’s signature?” (Yes I also want to punch myself in the face right now just reading that back). Needless to say that I am now the owner of two such tots and I have actually gone to that very couple and hugged them both very hard and said sorry about a bazillion times for being such a crap friend. They have graciously appeared to have accepted my apology. Karma on the other hand has a very long memory it seems and is definitely all about the pay back!
    Brilliant as always hon. I always love your posts! #no1fan #groupie #bigpinklink xx

    • This Mum's Life
      July 25, 2016 / 7:11 pm

      Oh, thank you so much Dawn! Your comments always make me smile, and thank you for being such a huge champion of my blog!! It’s awful to think of some of the things we said and did before children isn’t it? Your poor friends being the only ones with children…! I’m glad you *think* they’ve accepted your apology…!! xx

  26. July 25, 2016 / 4:56 pm

    I was thinking about this recently. What’s so hard about having a baby? I used to think. Don’t they just sleep all day? I used to say. HAHAHAHAHAHA

  27. July 25, 2016 / 6:51 pm

    Ah yes, karma. I feel it heading my way right now as NW is still upstairs with NG (ten to 8) after I bragged to a friend today that both children are ‘almost always’ asleep by 7.15pm. What goes around, comes around… (can hardly remember going out, let alone the getting ready!) #bigpinklink

  28. July 25, 2016 / 7:00 pm

    Oh yes, Karma most definitely is always watching!! I can relate to pretty much all of these! Especially love the Cheerios (or Cheerio dust from the kitchen floor!) Thanks for hosting #BigPinkLink x

  29. July 25, 2016 / 7:39 pm

    Love this!!!! Karma really is watching us and probably laughing at us too! Lol! #bigpinklink

  30. July 25, 2016 / 8:02 pm

    love this it is all so true! #bigpinklink x

  31. Nige
    July 25, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    We are all so naive pre children if I’m honest still haven’t got a clue fab post thanks for hosting

  32. July 25, 2016 / 11:12 pm

    You just have to believe in a bit of Karma when bringing up kids! #bigpinklink

  33. July 25, 2016 / 11:20 pm

    It’s amazing how much you learn after becoming a parent, I had friends who thought I exaggerated the hounds on until they had their own. Great post! #bigpinklink

  34. July 26, 2016 / 12:00 am

    I don’t think I can ever remember a time before children.. I’m in a constant daze… haha 🙂 But my mother tells me every time, that Karma definitely paid our house a visit…. #bigpinklink

  35. July 26, 2016 / 6:27 am

    How true I am a total believer in Karma and it often bites me on the bum too. Throughout parenting I’ve had to reassess many of my pre-conceived ideas to the point where now I am just a mere shadow of a person who says yes to everything ha ha.
    Brilliant post as always

    #bigpinklink

  36. July 26, 2016 / 7:57 am

    Karma is most definitely real! I found myself nodding (and laughing) along to this. Cheerios on the rocks is probably the funniest thing I’ve read this week! #bigpinklink

  37. July 26, 2016 / 9:02 am

    Oh the things I said I’d NEVER do when I had kids (junk food, bribery, TV , pink stuff…) I warned anyone from buying pink stuff for my daughter when she was born- guess what? Yep, she’s now a 5 yr old pink-obsessed fairy princess. Sometimes it gives me great comfort to know Karma is on my side too, those flat tummied smug 20somethings rocking crop tops and hot pants? Enjoy it while you can!!! I’m kidding- even before I had kids I couldn’t pull of the Daisy Duke look😂 #bigpinklink

  38. July 26, 2016 / 9:59 am

    Your take on cheerios is brilliant, and so archetypal to all caregivers of wee ones. Karma can be amazing, and a bitch…wonderful post my dear host! #bigPinkLink

  39. July 26, 2016 / 1:09 pm

    Such a good post! Really made me think back to pre phoebe. I have a crazy toddler that is exactly like my sister was at this age….why am I getting her KARMA??? hopefully if i have another i will get a more chilled out one! Wishful thinking eh! #bigpinklink

  40. July 26, 2016 / 1:40 pm

    Haha I laughed and nodded along all the way through. Seems karma comes for us all!

    #bigpinklink x

  41. July 26, 2016 / 2:54 pm

    Oh my two totally got me on the weaning thing too – they’ve both been quite good eaters at times, but now they specialise in only eating about 4 things each, none of which the other of them will eat, so that’s good. 😀
    x Alice
    #bigpinklink

  42. July 26, 2016 / 2:59 pm

    Ha! This is so true!! But I think we’re all guilty of it, so don’t worry. You’ve had your fair share of karma now!! Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink

  43. July 26, 2016 / 3:01 pm

    Ha ha ha hilarious and so true. I am a big believer in Karma and that you get back what you give out you get back! Excellent post
    #bigpinklink xx

  44. July 26, 2016 / 7:14 pm

    Oh brilliant! Karma is certainly a clever one, I have been kicked in the butt several times by parent karma as a punishment for my glib and naive ideas that I, as a 20 year old, had ANY clue about how to raise a baby, never mind a child! Thanks for co-hostessing most gorgeous one! #bigpinklink

  45. July 26, 2016 / 8:22 pm

    I’m dreading the teenage years! I hardly dare think about it, but it’ll be here so soon. I just hope Karma works both ways, and that I get something back from the good that I’ve done too! #BigPinkLink

  46. July 26, 2016 / 8:46 pm

    Oh I am definitely with you on the weaning front. My child eats nothing. Oh, and he also seems to like hitting and kicking people-mostly me. Sometimes I despair at what I must have done wrong but no, they are just all very different! Maybe if I have another one I’ll get the placid, eats everything in sight type! #bigpinklink

  47. July 26, 2016 / 10:15 pm

    This is so good! Laughed a lot at cheerios on the rocks and felt a fist bump of companionship for you over the sodding saggy tummy despite being conservative and healthy during pregnancy. If I lean over I could open a crepe paper shop with my torso. Sad times. Fab post, thanks for hosting #bigpinklink!

  48. July 27, 2016 / 6:06 am

    This is so true in every way! Every time I say “my kids eat greens” or “they go to bed at 630” karma comes back to bite me!! What is that about?! How does it know? Love this!!

  49. July 27, 2016 / 6:57 am

    Laughed so much. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Karma just decided for you. #bigpinklink

  50. July 27, 2016 / 10:03 am

    It’s a funny old thing karma isn;t it? I can so relate to these, so funny and true

  51. July 27, 2016 / 6:40 pm

    Noted. Karma scares me! Life is certainly different being parents! #bigpinklink

  52. July 28, 2016 / 6:46 pm

    Haha! Don’t be too hard on yourself – I think this kind of karma comes to bite us all when it comes to parenting expectations.! #bigpinklink

  53. July 29, 2016 / 6:04 am

    I can agree with a lot of these. I certainly didn’t understand what is was like to have a baby, before having a baby, and would happily go out not giving a second thought to friends with children. I think that karma is something we can unavoid, unless you are a really really positive person. I do try to be as positive as I can, but those thoughts still creep. Thanks for hosting lovely. Claire x #bigpinklink

  54. July 29, 2016 / 6:58 pm

    Brilliant post as always, pretty spot on too. I am definitely living in the karma town of ‘my kids won’t eat chocolate or biscuits and I definitely won’t use it as a bribe’….she says as she one handily opens the kinder chocolate to placate the toddler who will not stop yelling and throwing herself on the floor for reasons unknown…. #bigpinklink

  55. July 29, 2016 / 7:35 pm

    Ha ha brilliant – I hate karma, it does always seem to come back and bite you in the bum. I also secretly gloated over my sons amazing ability to eat anything. He has now lives on beans and chicken nuggets and won’t even look at a vegetable let alone have it pass hi lips! #bigpinklink

  56. July 31, 2016 / 9:51 pm

    Lol I had no clue at all about how I’d be as a parent and he traps I’d fall into ! I agree with so many of these, but definitely the why can’t the babysitter out them to bed…. H is 20 months and we’ve only left her with family for a few hours (every 3/4 months). #bigpinklink

  57. July 31, 2016 / 11:49 pm

    Haha – love it! Yes, never allow yourself to feel smug as a parent, it WILL bite you! #bigpinklink

  58. August 1, 2016 / 9:34 am

    Oh dear I think I can be guilty of most of these!! And yes Karama has come back and bitten me too!! Thanks for hosting #BigPinkLink

  59. August 3, 2016 / 1:35 am

    It’s so easy to judge other people, isn’t it? You can’t really know what something is like until you experience it for yourself – like being a parent. We all get what’s coming to us! #Bigpinklink