The Great Motherhood Contradiction

right or wrong
Is The Great Motherhood Contradiction just one cruel joke?

During my now 3 years on the job, in this overwhelming crash course in crazy, existing in this realm of tiredness induced hallucinations, attempting this thing called ‘motherhood,’ I have noticed that if I were to be asked for one word to sum it up, it would be… ‘contradictory.’ I have never felt more proud of my accomplishments, yet ashamed of them, all in the same confidence destroying minute. I have never felt so sure of my convictions one day, then utterly devastated by them a week later. I’ve never felt so supported by my peers, yet feel judged by them at the drop of a hat. Why do I feel this way? Because of the Great Motherhood Contradiction-there are so many wildly confusing contradictions in this chaotic parenting wilderness, that most of us really could end up questioning if we do know our ass from our elbow-if we challenge and contradict it enough, will our ass still be our ass, and our elbow still be our elbow?

It starts while you are pregnant. You are introduced to a whole range of drugs you could have to reduce the pain of labour, yet you are made to feel weak if you accept them. It’s like a modern day Adam and Eve-lets show all the couples what they could have, then walk away and watch, and see if the woman takes it…

A natural delivery is where we are told it’s at, but caesarians have been invented for those who either don’t want to, or haven’t be able to deliver via their vajayjay. A myth invented by some folks points to you being less of a woman if you have one. You will even find memes dedicated to shaming women who had caesarians-if having one wasn’t enough trauma, a woman then has to deal with that kind of negativity?

bottle feeding

Formula has been invented for women who do not want to, or do not succeed in breastfeeding. Even though this precious powder will keep the child of such a woman alive, the woman will be made to feel weak for not persevering with breastfeeding, or like she doesn’t love her child as much as the breastfeeding women, and won’t have a strong bond. In other, very tragic news, a woman can be publicly shamed for either kind of feeding method-apparently certain members of society can find child feeding disgusting, whether it be flesh or plastic delivery.

We are told that we should drop the weight gained during pregnancy fairly easily, but have you seen a tummy minutes after delivery? There is no way that stretched, wrinkled alien sack of potatoes will ever resemble a pre-pregnancy tummy. Yet celebrities seem immune to this curse, and we feel bad for not living up to their beach perfect, washboard tums, more than likely the result of immediate tummy tucks, and a host of nannies minding the baby while they work out from 5 minutes postpartum onwards.

We are told to let kids be kids, yet in public they are expected to behave like miniature adults. So, biting, scratching, screaming, throwing themselves on the floor, alpha toddler behaviour is all normal, but not when someone else’s precious offspring is caught in the crossfire at playgroup-is that what you’re saying? They can eat like savages at home, because they are just mastering the art of eating without looking like cavemen, but in restaurants and coffee shops, those skills are expected to be honed to perfection, and they are expected to be as quiet as someone at a silent yoga retreat, when they aren’t silent at any other time of their life, ever-do I have that right?

We are told to let kids be kids, yet there were so many educational buzzwords included in the ‘nursery talk’ that I attended for my toddler’s nursery, that momentarily I wondered whether I’d walked into an open day for Oxford or Cambridge.

We are told to take five minutes for ourselves, yet if we choose to take that five minutes while putting children in front of the television, we are not only lazy parents, but we are destroying their minds, and will be responsible for all kinds of developmental delays and probably ADHD.
We are told that we will need a network of mummy friends to help us through this parenting process, yet should we choose to use our phones to contact them during child rearing hours, we are ignoring our children and favouring technology over them. During prolonged cluster feeding sessions, should we, heaven forbid, become bored, and pick up our phones to scroll the news, or see how long our mummy friends (you know, that support network that is so important,) have been cluster feeding, we are branded as ‘brexting.’ Can we please stop saying this? Who coined this shameful term anyway? Oh, are we supposed to sit in a quiet room, meditating over the gift of breastfeeding-we all know that children of texting breastfeeding mothers are likely to grow up unhinged right…

feeding

Ok, so we have constantly confusing contradictions thrown at us, and on top of that are subjected to sleep deprivation-a commonly known, and effective form of torture. Translate these situations to a work environment: Your boss contradicts everything they ask you to do, and reinforces that you that you are a terrible employee, and your decisions are awful. They then lock you in a room for several months and don’t allow you to sleep. This of course would be considered bullying, and the union would be all over it. Strict policies and protocols would be set up to prevent this happening again, and you’d probably get sent to a fantastic therapist (to help you recover from the stress and anxiety no doubt caused,) who your company would pay for. The cruellest joke of the Great Motherhood Contradiction, is why, when mums become mentally ill from the same terrible behaviour, are people surprised? Even worse, often they are shamed into keeping it a secret. After all, they’ve just given life! It’s an experience denied to some women-they need to consider that, don’t they? It’s supposed to be the best time of their lives! They need to feel guilty for the feelings they have, the desolation, the tears that won’t stop, the mourning for an old life, the anxiety, the gripping fear… It’s an unfortunate message experienced by many who become mentally ill postpartum, and a stigma that needs to change. Work related trauma and you get a top therapist paid for. Postpartum depression, and you get put on a long waiting list for treatment.

Life for parents, without the Great Motherhood Contradiction would certainly be easier. Where has the camaraderie gone? Because it’s not just the media, and bystanders contributing to the mass of contradictions and judging behaviour-its other mums: A full on mum on mum wrestle to see who is the more self righteous, who is succeeding the best at a job where nobody really has a clue what they’re doing. Why are we making an already fantastically difficult job even harder? Why are we doing this to women at a time when they are more vulnerable than they will ever be? Let’s just stop. Stop with the mixed messages, stop with the judgement, STOP WITH THE MUMMY SHAMING FULL STOP.

This post first appeared as part of the blogging I do for Meet Other Mums, who I am very proud to blog for as part of their blog squad! Please check out their site!

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71 Comments

  1. April 4, 2016 / 6:48 am

    Nodding the whole way through this article, but I think the fact that you even worry that you are doing what’s best shows that you care and that’s the most important thing. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we’re all just figuring it out as we go along. X #bigpinklink

  2. April 4, 2016 / 6:55 am

    Well said. No more mummy shaming. #bigpinklink

  3. April 4, 2016 / 7:53 am

    I honestly couldn’t have put it better myself. It’s like all my thoughts, right there in black and white on the screen in front of me! At precisely those times we should be supporting one another the most- we can be each other’s worst enemy.

    Never heard of the term “Brexting”! Brilliant. I got repetitive thumb strain in both pregnancies from that, hahaha! Long live Brexting. X x #bigpinklink

    • April 4, 2016 / 7:58 am

      (Correction- repetitive thumb strain AFTER both pregnancies. Although I must admit it probably began pre-delivery, secondary to the multiple night time bladder related trips)

  4. April 4, 2016 / 8:07 am

    Lovely post. Being a parent is such hard work without throwing all of these paradoxes in too. I just remember that in days gone by, they didn’t have the internet to tell them what a bad mum they were being by doing A and B but not C and the human race mainly survived. Although obviously they didn’t have mobile phones then – but they probably would have bloody loved them if they had. #bigpinklink

  5. April 4, 2016 / 8:12 am

    It’s horrible that other mums judge one another. I’m very lucky in that I haven’t experienced much despite, shock horror, having an Emergency C-section, giving in to my health visitor and swapping breast feeding for formula because I wasn’t very confident, and my child has watched too much TV. I think after all is said and done though, I have a very happy, bright, funny and compassionate little girl who loves going out, staying in, learning and even going to school! So the only thing that will ever be right is that you give your child what they need – love, guidance and understanding. #bigpinklink

  6. April 4, 2016 / 8:18 am

    I absolutely love this – amazing post! It’s so true and sometimes you just can’t do right for doing wrong! That’s why I always say we need to tell ourselves we are doing a fab job! Thanks so much for sharing this and for hosting #bigpinklink xx

  7. April 4, 2016 / 8:18 am

    Totally agree too many judgemental people poking their big beaks in other peoples lives 🙁 x #bigpinklink

  8. April 4, 2016 / 8:27 am

    It is ridiculous. I think social media can me you feel less alone but also more judged. It’s all a fine balancing act. I think the important thing is to do what you feel happy with. Are you kids happy? I can almost guarantee it we are all doing our best & that’s all. We all have different techniques & different children. My own 2 are like chalk and cheese. I formula feD and used the telly as a babysitter whilst I called a friend, hid upstairs for half hours peace. Who bloody cares. Great post. #bigpinklink Lifeinthemumslane

  9. April 4, 2016 / 8:36 am

    Hurrah to this! Such a compelling post and absolutely right on every level. Who are these people that cast judgement? Motherhood is amazing but challenging enough without the added pressure of a few cast upon the anxious many.

    Brilliantly written as always lovely x
    Thanks for hosting.
    #bigpinklink

  10. April 4, 2016 / 8:40 am

    I completely agree with this. As soon as you become pregnant everyone has an opinion and it can feel as though, no matter what you do, you’re wrong. It’s no way to treat new mums.
    #bigpinklink

  11. April 4, 2016 / 8:43 am

    Brilliant post – I couldn’t have put it better myself. The contradictions are everywhere, I find the mum shaming I am faced with from time to time so baffling – why are we judging each other when everyone knows how awful that feeling is, when all anyone is trying to do is their very best for the little ones. When my little one started weaning, we got in a habit of eating while watching Bing. I knew it wasn’t ideal and that we’d have to make some changes, but I was so ashamed of it – I felt like I was being a terrible mum and wouldn’t dare mention it to my NCT friends, for fear of what they would say! Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink , really enjoying joining in x

  12. April 4, 2016 / 9:16 am

    Keep your kids close to you in public because you are a failure if you take your eyes off them for 10 seconds but don’t use reins because that’s child cruelty and you’re treating your child like a dog.

    You should only feed your child healthy, nutritious fruit and veg. but mealtimes should never become a battle ground and if you deny them chocolate you’re setting them up to have food issues when they’re older.

    There are loads, aren’t there? It’s ridiculous and every mum I know (including myself) feels constantly guilty for getting it ‘wrong’.

    #bigpinklink

  13. April 4, 2016 / 9:17 am

    Fantastic post! Thanks for sharing such a hot topic, it’s such a mind field this parenting lark! So many different options and advice and guilt and happiness 🙂 high five for getting it out in such friendly way X #bigpinklink

  14. April 4, 2016 / 9:50 am

    this is an amazing post! I spent so much time feeling guilty over so many things being a new and very sleep deprived mother. I really wish we could all be more supportive and less judgmental #bigpinklink

  15. April 4, 2016 / 10:06 am

    This is a fantastic post as its so true. You have summed up a lot of my feelings, sometimes we can’t do right for doing wrong. Thanks for hosting #bigpinklinky xx

  16. April 4, 2016 / 10:21 am

    This is all so true! Nobody knows what they’re doing, we’re just doing the best we can and hope to raise well rounded non judgmental children who contribute to society. Whether we breastfed or not shouldn’t bloody matter and it’s so true that it’s mainly other mums who’re actually creating these bad stigmas and attitudes. In the words of mean girls i wish we could all just bake a cake made of rainbows and smiles and we could all eat and be happy haha!

    I think we just need to ignore the negative people, surround yourself with like minded helpful mums and follow our instincts doing the best we can 🙂

    Great post!

  17. April 4, 2016 / 10:25 am

    This is beyond brilliant! Wow, you’re right. And you’ve really spotted the nuances in it all. Thank you for this. Get it to HuffPostUK #bigpinklink

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

  18. April 4, 2016 / 10:25 am

    Yes you are right motherhood is full of contradictions! I hate feeling judged by other mums and it happens too much. I find it hard to find my tribe at the school gates and tend to withdraw instead, this leads to loneliness and isolation and yes depression. It is such a pity we can’t just support each other! Well written and well said!

  19. April 4, 2016 / 11:12 am

    This resonated perfectly with me and I am sure with many modern mums. Media and so called ‘baby experts’ are really grinding us down and putting on ridiculous expectations of parenting that make us feel like failures. It is time that we make a stand and unite together to give people a better understanding of the realities of parenting and the modern day child. #bigpinklive

  20. April 4, 2016 / 11:34 am

    This is a fantastic post. I swing from being a mum who is confident in her decisions, to being a ball of anxiety, second guessing everything I do. I try to counter it by telling myself I’m doing a good job, but sometimes it’s not enough and all the negative thoughts come creeping in. #bigpinklink

  21. April 4, 2016 / 11:38 am

    Thank you for writing this post, I hope it goes viral! This is brilliantly written and hits the nail on the head perfectly! I don’t think I can quite put into words how brilliant this posters so I’ll just have to retweet it 🙂 xxx #BigPinkLink

  22. April 4, 2016 / 12:14 pm

    Hang on a minute….BREXTING?! Is this even a Thing? And I have been doing it for nigh-on two years without even knowing its real name? I feel so uneducated in the lingo! Totally true post. Whatever we do it’s wrong, so we may as well just do what we want. Within reason I guess. #bigpinklink

  23. April 4, 2016 / 1:25 pm

    I love this post, so nail-on-the-head true. We all just need to relax and get on with the job of being experts in our own children…but you’re right we ALL need to do that or it just doesn’t work. No more shaming indeed. Thank you for hosting. #bigpinklink

  24. April 4, 2016 / 1:48 pm

    Great post and entirely true. There is so much pressure on us to conform to all the things that you mention above, should you stray from it, it is frowned upon i.e not breastfeeding. How your child is brought up, fed, entertained etc….is your decision and no one elses, like you say no one else carried them for 9 months. A lovely post and so well written. Claire x #bigpinklink

  25. April 4, 2016 / 2:40 pm

    yes yes and YES agree wholeheartedly to the above. far too much mummy shaming goes on, cant we just be left alone to get on with it?! great post #bigpinklink

  26. April 4, 2016 / 3:41 pm

    Haha, sad but true! Just one more of the difficulties we have to navigate as parents..
    #bigpinklink

  27. April 4, 2016 / 3:43 pm

    Amen to that!
    Other Mums can be so judgmental, especially when they have found something like breastfeeding, natural birth, weaning etc so easy!
    My daughter’s birth was traumatic and I actually asked to have a C-section (it was too late though dammit!) so with my son I asked for every drug going in my birthing plan before hand, he slipped out easy and no drugs were needing (dammit!!).
    I felt like I failed when it came to breastfeeding my daughter and developed PND as a result. But how lucky are we to have a substitute to breast milk? She would’ve be here today without it. My son took to it straight away but I did introduce formula after a couple of months because I literally couldn’t feed him every couple of hours, half an hour a time with a very demanding two year old.
    I find avoiding negative posts or comments helps a treat! I generally couldn’t care less how people raise there children because I know what a massive impacted comments can make to a mum.

  28. April 4, 2016 / 4:19 pm

    Brilliant – I particularly enjoyed the ‘brexting’ part. I really feel that those who condemn such actions (or even found time to coin the phrase) have clearly never had a small person hanging off their breasts every 5 minutes for 12 hours! Really well said and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post #bigpinklink

  29. April 4, 2016 / 4:44 pm

    Yes to all of this. Great post. It’s such a hard job being a parent, support from the rest of the world would be a lovely bonus. Thanks for sharing #bigpinklink

  30. April 4, 2016 / 4:48 pm

    This is so true. I love your writing, you always get it spot on. I hadn’t heard the term ‘brexting’ which is probably lucky as I do it all the time! Seriously do people expect us not to do anything while our babies feed or sleep in our laps?! Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink

  31. April 4, 2016 / 6:10 pm

    Well said, mummy shaming needs to stop – everyone is different and what works for some doesnt work for others. we should be building each other up instead of tearing each other down! #bigpinklink

  32. April 4, 2016 / 6:31 pm

    Well said, mum shaming sucks and really needs to stop, it can do so much damage to mums. Motherhood is one massive contradiction, you are spot on there. I think we all need just do what is right for our family and just ignore any negative comments from others, easier said than done though I know.xx #bigpinklink

  33. April 4, 2016 / 6:54 pm

    Brilliant post, I was nodding the whole way through!! Motherhood is so full of contradictions, it’s not wonder that we feel so much pressure and get so stressed out!! I have finally learned to trust my own instincts, it only took me 12 years but thank god I got there! #bigpinklink

  34. April 4, 2016 / 7:05 pm

    Excellent post. I think we’re always going to have to deal with this problem to some extent – parenting is hard, devisive – it is the most important job in the world to us and many will have strong opinions about all aspects, and I think that breeds anxiety and defensiveness. I have found I am much more laid back as time goes on. If children are loved, fed, cared for – that’s all that matters. #bigpinklink

  35. April 4, 2016 / 7:10 pm

    I totally agree, no more mummy shaming! Motherhood is just one big journey in worry and guilt. #bigpinklink

  36. April 4, 2016 / 7:22 pm

    This is very true – no more shaming! We all do our best! xx

  37. April 4, 2016 / 7:23 pm

    I agree with you 100% It’s actually totaly ridiculous. The lengths people will go to to make another human feel bad is beyond crazy. NOTHING you can ever do as a Mother is ‘right’ there will always be 500 other people who do it differently and are very happy to tell you exactly why you should be doing the same, be it online, in magazines or hell, even in person. It’s definitely a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Also, it seems more of a woman thing. You don’t generally hear of a man pulling up his male colleague and saying something like; “hey Jim, you guys not baby wearing? You’ll ruin their spine with that buggy you know” do you?! Thanks for being my co-host, I love reading your posts!! #bigpinklink

  38. April 4, 2016 / 7:33 pm

    Very spot on each and every one of them and I whole heartedly agree that mummy shaming and being Mrs judgy pants needs to stop. Great post #bigpinklink xx

  39. April 4, 2016 / 7:45 pm

    Brilliant post, sitting here and agreeing to everything you mentioned. Always feeling like I can’t get anything right when really we should be celebrating all the positives we achieve in motherhood. Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink x

  40. April 4, 2016 / 7:49 pm

    Well written post lovely and so true. We need to go at parenting at our own paces and be free of judgement and stress. It’s hard enough without a million daft messages!! Thanks for hosting x

  41. April 4, 2016 / 10:58 pm

    I think I may have read this first on the Meet Other Mums site, and I thought it was fab then too. There is nothing that can build your confidence and then destroy it quite like motherhood and you have summed this up perfectly #bigpinklink

  42. April 5, 2016 / 3:04 am

    Brexting! I’d never heard of that term, although I’m definitely guilty of it, I think it’s a productive way to use my time when feeding at night so I can be more engaged when my baby needs me! I agree with a lot of points you make. It would be nice to see more support for mums, no matter what decisions they make. #bigpinklink

  43. April 5, 2016 / 3:42 am

    All so true. Sometimes we are also our own worst enemies and place huge expectations on ourselves…but we have got these ideas from somewhere/someone. A great read. #bigpinklive

  44. April 5, 2016 / 5:56 am

    I feel like I am constantly winging it and on edge not knowing what is right thing to do. There are so many different messages it is hard to know which to follow. Motherhood is one hell of a challenge, once you battle one stage you are then forwarded on to another with no manual 😢 X #bigpinklink

  45. April 5, 2016 / 7:02 am

    Great post! I totally agree with all the points you made, there are so many contradictions throughout motherhood and the job is hard enough without everyone making it harder with judgements. We should all give ourselves a break and support each other through all steps of motherhood. Thanks for hosting #BigPinkLink xx

  46. April 5, 2016 / 7:56 am

    Judgement is the worst! I’m pretty sure that its harder nowadays with the wealth of information online blogs/forums etc so not only does your neighbour judge you, strangers can do it anonymously and worst of all it become really easy to judge an doubt yourself! #bigpinklink

  47. April 5, 2016 / 8:55 am

    There certainly are a lot of contradictions in the world of motherhood & they start from pregnancy. It’d be a much nicer world if we removed the judgment wouldn’t it? #bigpinklink x

  48. April 5, 2016 / 10:20 am

    Fantastic post! Motherhood is hard enough! We just need to rise above people’s preconceptions and get on with life as best we can! Hard but true! #bigpinklink

  49. April 5, 2016 / 11:49 am

    Very well said, I find dads just as contradictory and judgemental, it baffles my mind and often feels like a loose loose situation.

  50. April 5, 2016 / 1:51 pm

    Exactly this word for word. I don’t know if I found it any easier or harder coming from a world of eating disorders and their mired murk of contradictions, but if anything I at least was not surprised at how many contradictions can live within something that seems a very simple concept.

    Doesn’t make them any less or any easier, mind.

    Thanks for the post! #BigPinkLink

  51. April 5, 2016 / 4:33 pm

    This is so spot-on! The only benefit I’ve found is that after a while (or a couple of kids) you stop really caring what other people (read: so-called experts or sancti-parents) think. Or perhaps you still do but have given up trying to do something about it! Totally agree – we need to give up on the guilt! Visiting from #bigpinklink!

  52. April 5, 2016 / 6:46 pm

    Yes. YES. As other comments above, this is spot on (and lovely pic of breastfeeding btw – is that you?!) So over the guilt. Well done and thank you loads for writing this so eloquently. xx #bigpinklink

  53. April 5, 2016 / 9:23 pm

    I feel like the Churchill dog after reading this, my head is still nodding along. I wholeheartedly agree. #bigpinklink

  54. April 5, 2016 / 10:48 pm

    Well said! Yes, there is a lot of contradiction, and it’s hard to have confidence in your choices as a result. #bigpinklink

  55. April 6, 2016 / 2:35 pm

    It is so true all of it. I’ve always said that women can be their own worst enemies and mums judging other mums seems to be the worst.

    I have never heard of brexting! Though I am one of the ‘lowly’ formula feeders and second time round I didn’t get involved in any discussion about any type of feeding as it can be so destructive and who’s got time for that!

    My God, I read so many books whilst feeding Siena, God bless the Smartphone is all I can say as we didn’t really have them back in 2005.

    We all do the best we can and that’s all we can do!

    #bigpinklink

  56. April 6, 2016 / 3:10 pm

    I couldn’t have put it better myself, parenting is THE single most hardest job in the world, you are never right and often wrong but according to who? The constant judging is something I can’t bare and over the last few years of being a Mum have learnt that who cares what anyone else thinks as long as my kids are happy and thriving them so am I 🙂 Thanks for linking up an awesome post to the #bestandworst

  57. April 6, 2016 / 3:52 pm

    I love the analogy to work, that is so true. Can you imagine?! I didn’t realise brexting was a bad thing, I was always doing it! I think I started my blog while breast-feeding… bregging? blogeeding? doesn’t work does it?! #BloggerClubUK

  58. April 6, 2016 / 4:24 pm

    I’m not surprised this post was featured on another site because it’s brilliant! Well written and completely true. #BloggerClubUK

  59. April 6, 2016 / 6:40 pm

    This is such a great post. And i fully agree with you. women and other mums can sometimes be the worst at judging when they themselves should know the struggles we face at times and that its really is all trial and error. none is better than the next person and we should support instead of judge. Thanks of sharing this.

  60. April 7, 2016 / 1:14 pm

    Wow… wow. wow. wow.
    You’ve hit so close to home that that’s all I can say.
    Thank you for saving this for us all to here (whether we do it to others or have had it done to us).
    And thank you for sharing Cool Mum Club.

  61. April 7, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    Hey lovely,

    It’s hard not to reply with a contradictory message…let me expand. Yes, yes and yes, to everything you have said. I will of course tell you not to worry about what everyone else thinks, as you are clearly an amazing Mum. Then I will lie awake tonight fretting over a load of things I could have done better today. I guess what I’m trying to say is contradiction is everywhere, don’t let it get the better of you. Just give it a wave. *hello* and then tell it to bugger off.

    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
    (Apologies for the random comments this evening, v tired!).
    x MMT

  62. April 8, 2016 / 6:29 am

    Agree with every single point here. Motherhood IS one huge contradiction and it’s so exhausting! Thanks for sharing x #bigpinklink

  63. April 8, 2016 / 12:06 pm

    Yep totally agree! The one that always gets me is how quick we are to judge each other or explain our choices to justify them. My friends and I all have children around the same age, we’re a group of four, and it even happens amongst the closest of friends. We all have different parenting styles and we all did different things, one friend (the first of us to have a child) followed everything she read in parenting books to a t, I on the other hand asked peoples opinions and did what I felt made sense. So as you can imagine when the last baby was born, she’s nearly 1 the rest are 2 and 3, myself and my other two friends are full of opinions but I always make a conscientious effort to give my opinion and follow it up with “you do what’s right for you” parenting is difficult enough without us judging each other or comparing our children to one another – rant over lol! x #bestandworst

  64. April 8, 2016 / 11:14 pm

    Amazing post. I don’t even know where to start. I agree on every single front. I don’t understand why there is such judgment around motherhood, if this was any other job, as you’ve said, this would be considered bullying and the union would be all over it. Thanks for writing this, it really needs to be said. Thanks for hosting #BigPinkLink!

  65. April 9, 2016 / 6:50 pm

    Well put! I was agreeing with everything as I was reading your post. Raise the awareness of mummy shaming and get the word out there – love it:)

    mainy – myrealfairy

    #bestandworst

  66. April 10, 2016 / 11:20 am

    Hear, hear! Let us all stop mum shaming. Alternative methods were invented for a reason and we should not feel guilty for using them. I remembered feeling so pressured in NOT using formula even though I was crumbling under demand breastfeeding a baby who had severe reflux. Well said and this should be said to every new mum who goes home with her new baby.

  67. April 11, 2016 / 7:46 pm

    I was agreeing with you all the way through this! I am sure our second in a few weeks and I am hoping my experience will mean things won’t be so fraught and I will just go with my gut rather than everyone else opinion. Great post, thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week xx

  68. April 11, 2016 / 11:31 pm

    I think this is an absolutely amazing post! And completely spot on! It’s quite sad how quickly things can change emotionally/mentally for parents. Whilst one parent/newspaper article congratulate you, another is chastising you for the same thing
    Well done for bringing this to the forefront Xxx #BigPinkLink

  69. April 12, 2016 / 6:08 am

    This is an amazing post. The comparison with work is an effective one and one that people without kids should be able to relate to. The mixed messaging is ludicrous as is the expectation that you should be 1) acountable to a stranger and 2) grateful for their unsolicited advice or judgement!

    #BestandWorst