Pooping In Exchange For Kinder Eggs

a1
We recently reached breaking point with the eldest’s reluctance to exchange nappies for pants. And by reluctance, a more accurate description would be that if he was put within a 5 metre radius of a toilet or potty, he would either scream until he was sick, or pick up the nearest thing he could use as a weapon, channel his inner Jackie Chan and go loco on whichever unsuspecting defecation receptacle was clearly going to eat him alive.

Eventually, and with the expected lack of threenager reasoning, he suddenly decided that pants were fab, and weeing in the toilet was the best thing since having Nick Junior reinstated (when we got made to pay for it, my husband angrily cancelled it. Due to the persistent begging for TV shows that were only on Nick Junior, it suddenly came back…) Having a poo in the toilet, however, would induce hysteria that would probably leave Supernanny herself calling in an exorcist, and shouting ‘screw this, this one is NOT fixable.’

He is due to start school in 11 months, we kept telling ourselves. We panicked that there was only 11 months left to crack this, and every time we mentioned it, threenager heels would be firmly dug in deeper-I started to get the feeling he was gleeful in having one up on us. My specialist Mastermind subject became: ‘Getting my child to poo on the toilet, John.’ The eldest’s would be: ‘Evading pooing on the toilet, with a subcategory of Kinder Egg toys from 2014-2016, John.’

We eventually settled on buying loads of Kinder Eggs, and leaving them ‘on display’ on top of the fridge. Like all children, Kinder Eggs are like meth to mine, and in refusing treats at all times, and standing firm that his next treat would only come in Kinder Egg form, when he had done a poo on the toilet, we were sure we were on to a winner.

But being as stubborn as a red wine stain on a cream carpet, he nonchalantly ignored the eggs, and the fact he was getting no treats. The youngest however, was not so nonchalant. He witnessed an exchange between the eldest and my husband, where the eldest was demanding his nappy so he could have a poo, and my husband telling him he could eat ALL the Kinder Eggs, if he just did it on the toilet. When the answer from the eldest was a firm ‘no,’ you could see the cogs turning in the youngest’s brain… ‘So, errrrrrr, he’s being offered ALL of those Kinder Eggs, and he’s turning them down?? Wtf?? Well, if he isn’t having them, there’s a mouth right here, that will snaffle those in seconds. All you have to do to get one is what? Out of the way, pussy, I’m on this!’ Which translated as him pointing to them, and informing my husband ‘me want one.’ To which my husband replied ‘well, you have to poo on the toilet to get one.’ The response to that, was for the youngest to rip off his nappy, and promptly dump on demand-on the toilet.

Now, I’d always thought that the poop-to-order, and revenge pooing that I’d heard about, was the stuff of myth and legend. I thought it was made up for dramatic/comic affect. There’s absolutely no way I could squeeze one out, unless I really needed it. But no, in front of my surprised and slightly mystified eyes, I had witnessed one. Afterwards, as the youngest ricocheted around the house, his gleeful delirium at this coveted prize, audible to the entire street- ‘KINDEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGG!!!!!!!!!!,’ the eldest had a batshit revenge tantrum. There was total disbelief that his little brother had beaten him to it. He was madder than Donald Trump’s PR team.

And of course, then next day, the eldest did a poo on the toilet! Cue, whoops, cheers, squeeeees, high fives, and Kinder Eggs. Now both children can poo on the toilet-one totally unexpectedly, as he wasn’t even being toilet trained! Or can they…? Of course they can’t. The eldest, now does it all the time-phew, in 11 months, he won’t be going to school in a nappy. The youngest will now ONLY poo for Kinder Eggs. He will poo in the morning, get a Kinder Egg, then if he needs another one later, will respond to my ‘quick, on the toilet!’ with ‘no, my had Kinder Egg, my do this one in my nappy, don’t need more Kinder Egg.’ Ahhhhh….

Proof that….

1 Never use bribery to get your children to do what you want, it will always backfire.

2 There’s always a trade off when children are involved-you sort one thing out, and the law of having children requires another problem to arise, being problem free is banned.

3 Kinder Eggs are the work of the devil anyway-the children covet the toy inside like it’s the best treasure they’ve ever seen-until they see something temporarily more interesting, and drop it. When they remember the coveted prize, you end up scouring Bristol Downs for a 2cm Kinder Egg toy, while your child acts like you’ve just told them Nick Junior has been taken away again.

4 They will also wake in the night, asking you to find the Kinder Egg toy, they insisted on taking to bed with them, which is now nowhere to be found. You end up turning their room upside down at 3am, to no avail.

5 Death to Kinder Eggs.

6 How the hell are we going to get the youngest to persistently poo on the toilet now?

7 He was a bit young for toilet training anyway, wasn’t he? Let’s just file this one under ‘Let’s Worry About This In A Year’ shall we?

8 Wine.

8602912412_b5d86c0bb2_b

(F***ers)

Kinder Egg photo credit: Jens Rost It’s a surprise via photopin (license)

Share:

48 Comments

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 9:29 am

      Exactly!! Poop to order is actually a thing, for toddlers at least!

  1. October 17, 2016 / 9:20 am

    just crying at the Mastermind subjects – I LOVE it! Oh but the pressure of 11 months – oh my word what a stress?! I feel your pain! Wine all the way my lovely! #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 9:28 am

      It was a very short time frame, wasn’t it?! I never thought he could be so stubborn!! He’d even hold them in for days, and end up screaming with constipation, just to avoid going on the toilet… Dear God!! I’m glad it made you laugh though!

  2. October 17, 2016 / 9:21 am

    Haha this made me laugh! It’s great you have them both using the toilet – even if you do now have shares in Kinder!

    #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 9:26 am

      I know… Next stage: operation Lets Poo WITHOUT Kinder Eggs! Wish me luck!

  3. October 17, 2016 / 10:07 am

    That’s brilliant! Poor you, it sounds traumatic. At least you cracked, (eggshellant egg joke there!), it with one and I’m sure the other won’t be far behind!!! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 10:56 am

      I see what you did there!! I’m totally over it now, I might just leave Z in nappies for ever!

  4. October 17, 2016 / 10:33 am

    ‘Oh shit!’ is what springs to mind 🙂 Alison x #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 10:55 am

      Exactly!!

  5. October 17, 2016 / 10:40 am

    Hahahaha the power of the Kinder Egg!

    I might have to try this tactic when it comes to toilet training my youngest.
    #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 10:55 am

      Short term gain, for long term pain… It just about sums up my parenting!!

  6. October 17, 2016 / 10:49 am

    Ha! This is the problem with bribes. That being said, my mum potty trained me using M&Ms, and how I can totally poo without getting chocolate first, so you have to assume that kids grow out of the poo-for-chocolate stage eventually. Good luck! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 10:54 am

      Yes, I keep telling myself that…😬!!

  7. October 17, 2016 / 10:57 am

    Awesome. I never knew poop to order or revenge pooping existed. You’ve opened my eyes. I am terrified of starting potty training. Was thinking of offering chocolate buttons as an incentive. May think again #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 11:00 am

      Yes, please rethink your strategy!!!! I know, I’d heard people say ‘he told me he’d poo in my shoe if he didn’t get what he wanted-he did it, there and then, when I said no.’ I’d thought yea right, nobody can poo on demand… But there you go! They prove you wrong every day!!

  8. October 17, 2016 / 10:57 am

    Love this so much, might try it myself as we are approaching the dreaded potty training!!! Treats work in this house, thanks so much for making me almost wet myself at your funny and honest writing #bigpinklinke

    • This Mum's Life
      October 17, 2016 / 11:01 am

      Excellent, I’m so glad you laughed-my work here is done!! At least if you have a terrible day with potty training, you can stress eat all the incentive treats you’ll have laying around!

  9. October 17, 2016 / 11:16 am

    Oh this is SO funny!! I’m just deliberating the use of chocolate buttons or something to get my son from potty to the toilet or a reward chart or, i don’t know, SOMETHING! Wine sounds like a cracking option and fortunately my youngest is far too young to poo on demand…well unless I pretend that i demanded that she poos every ten minutes. It’s a bit of a party trick perhaps?

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:48 am

      Hehe!! It’s easy to forget that newborns poo so often isn’t it?! Maybe try the reward chart for your little boy-as you can see, you’re playing a dangerous game when you get chocolate involved…! Anyway, I’m glad it made you laugh, I hope everything is going well with your gorgeous new girl xx

  10. October 17, 2016 / 12:07 pm

    LOL! so funny!

    BTW I use logic on my 4 year old…it worked even when he was 2 ! Yes! In spite of being the most illogical little monsters on the planet!

    Having said that, I have used Kinder Joy eggs for bribe too! Usually when we’re travelling!

    #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:50 am

      Well, I’m open to all suggestions!! I’ll give it a go!!

  11. October 17, 2016 / 12:24 pm

    Hahahaha! This has really made me laugh! I love that his little brother beat him to it…. total backfire from the stubbornness.
    #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:50 am

      Yes, there’s a lesson right there-don’t be a stubborn git!

  12. October 17, 2016 / 3:03 pm

    Ha ha brilliant! I bloody hate kinder eggs the plastic rubbish gets everywhere & mine used to like keeping the yellow egg container! Glad you cracked potty training goid luck with the younger ones kinder egg addiction 😃 #bigpinklink Lifeinthemumslane

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:52 am

      Thanks!! I know, kinder eggs are the worst aren’t they?! My children liked to keep the yellow bit too-just another thing to keep a flipping eye on and make sure it doesn’t get lost!

  13. October 17, 2016 / 3:30 pm

    My goodness this made me chuckle, but I feel it’s at your expense so do forgive me. I bet it can be frustrating at times. Hopefully things will fall into place soon. I worked in childcare and a child due to start school in 10 months still wouldn’t use the toilet for anything – he eventually one day just cracked it, with 4 months to go! Wishing you much success in your other, un-kinder egg methods . Oh and when in doubt, refer to number 8 😉 #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:54 am

      Yes, good plan!! It’s reassuring to hear stories of other children who have cut it fine with their toilet training before going to school! Please don’t worry about laughing, I have no worries about people laughing at my expense at all!!

  14. October 17, 2016 / 6:36 pm

    This made me smile but also in sympathy. We cracked toilet training 6 months ago. Or so we thought. Now she’s at preschool she’s wetting herself most days and pooing herself every few days. It’s hideous. You have my sympathy! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:56 am

      Oh no, it’s so hard isn’t it!! It’s a very frustrating time-solidarity through the potty training awfulness!!

  15. October 17, 2016 / 7:40 pm

    That is hilarious, you actually had me laughing out loud! Thank you for sharing this! x #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:56 am

      Excellent-that was the plan!!

  16. October 17, 2016 / 8:02 pm

    Oh God. ..we have all this soon…aghhhh😊

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:57 am

      Good luck…!!

  17. October 17, 2016 / 11:04 pm

    Now I want Kinder Eggs and can’t have them!!! thanks lol. So funny and hey whatever works. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:57 am

      I’m glad you liked it!!

  18. October 18, 2016 / 9:57 am

    This is fantastic. I can’t believe the little one did that! Yes, worry about the rest in a year. I also love the egg-laying symbolism – great choice of bribe. #bigpinklink

  19. October 18, 2016 / 12:11 pm

    Poo for kinder eggs!! You have me laughing from beginning to end…At least, something works…for now…for the younger one.

    • This Mum's Life
      October 18, 2016 / 12:22 pm

      I know…! I’m trying not to think about where to go from here!! I’ll just put it to the back of my head, and hope it sorts itself out!!

  20. October 18, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    OMG, you couldn’t make it up! Lol! I was panicking my middle one would go to school in nappies, she just kept wetting herself! It just stopped and all was good- no amount of bribery worked though!! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:59 am

      It’s definitely reassuring to hear other have gone through this!

  21. October 19, 2016 / 5:37 am

    This is funny, had me laughing a good few time! ‘All you have to do to get one is what? Out of the way, pussy, I’m on this!’’ & ‘the eldest had a batshit revenge tantrum. There was total disbelief that his little brother had beaten him to it. He was madder than Donald Trump’s PR team’ = quality blogging 🙂 Have to say, your youngest sounds like a cute cookie for sure, no flies on that child!!! Great read. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 6:43 am

      Aaah thanks Ross, I’m glad it gave you some chuckles!!! Yes, the youngest is a real comic character, and has been since he could use facial expressions! As adorbs as the eldest is, he’s way more serious!!

  22. October 19, 2016 / 12:31 pm

    I’m seriously considering only pooping for Kinder Eggs. I think it could really work for me. I like Kinder Eggs. We’re having a similar kind of stand off with the littlest one for stickers at the moment. He has yet to actually do the deed but is hoping to achieve half a sticker in exchange for a big trump… 😉 #bigpinklink x

    • This Mum's Life
      October 19, 2016 / 4:36 pm

      You’re on to something there-only pooping for kinder eggs will only be of benefit for everyone! Imagine the constant chocolate induced endorphins! It’d make parenting so much easier!! I hope you get some progress with your little on too… Xx

  23. October 21, 2016 / 7:58 am

    Ha ha we used kinder egg bribery too! There is something about those eggs, if they are not eating them they want to watch them being opened on you tube! Hope things all work out for you ! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      October 21, 2016 / 8:03 am

      Oh god, don’t get me started on those egg YouTube channels?!! What kind of witchcraft is that? Thanks, we are going to ‘take a break’ from the whole thing (and hope it just sorts itself out!!)

  24. October 23, 2016 / 10:35 am

    I use bribery all day every day – I couldn’t do without it! #bigpinklink