So this week has been a bit hard… Firstly, my children have been REALLY hard work-including the day I spend much of the afternoon at my GP surgery, being prodded around by several doctors, while the children swung from the curtains, attempted to destroy blood pressure monitors, emptied drawers, and generally made me want to die from shame. In fact, they’ve generally been like that all week, but at that time, I was really feeling the need to tell them in my best angry-but-trying-to-sound-kindly hiss, to just calm the heck down.

Anyway, as you may have guessed from the Drs visit, I haven’t been feeling too well this week. Despite that, I’ve still made it to Sh’bam, spin, HIIT, and body combat. But First, LET’S TALK ABOUT HIIT. My lovely friend convinced me to go along, ‘it’ll be great!’ she said, ‘there’s pair work, we can work together, it’s an amazing workout, better than circuits,’ she said. YOU WILL WANT TO THROW UP DURING THE WARM UP she DIDN’T say…. Jeez, I have given all the classes so far, a really fair shot, but I think it’s fair to say, I am 100% not going back to that. By the end of the next day, my legs were crippled, and I was still suffering the humiliation of being a hot and sweaty mess beside the rest of the class who were MACHINES, and feeling like I’d give myself a black eye from my gut flapping up to smack me in the face, during what felt like hours of ‘high knees.’

Food wise, I’ve stuck to all my usual meals pretty much the same as last week if you wanted to check out last week’s menu! But as well as being a bit under the weather, I’ve had one of those totally unmotivated weeks-you know-where you’re just a bit unmotivated with life in general? My appetite hasn’t been great, and I definitely feel like I’ve been running on empty-physically and emotionally. I was useless at combat today, and spent most of it kind of rolling around on the floor wishing I was at home (it was a very quiet class!) and it’s usually my favourite one.

(What I really wanted to be doing this week…)

I’m hoping I’ll have my mojo back a bit next week! So far, I’m not planning on making any changes to the food, although I might have to look at it again next week if I’m still at a plateau (because I haven’t lost anything this week,) but I have stayed the same, which is fine (I’m a bit disappointed, but trying not to be too hard on myself about it.)

lbs lost: Still 14…

What’s hurting: MY LEGS.

 

Update: Nearly a week after HIIT and my legs are still screwed!

*This is part of my ‘Cysters Are Doing It For Themselves’ series, about trying to kick some PCOS/insulin resistance ass. Other posts in this series can be found below.

PCOS Has Ruined My Life

A Change Is Gonna Come… Food And Exercise Changes I’m Making

Hey Cyster, Go Cyster, Soul Cyster, Go Cyster

Why Does PCOS Always Feel Like A Battlefield, A Battlefield, A Battlefield

Not So Fat Bottom Girl 

See you for next week’s update!

So, we all know that there was once a mum who lived in the south of England. We know that she was married to a Keifer Sutherland lookalike. We know that in her household, nobody ever listened to a fucking word she said, or ate anything she cooked. We know that she has PCOS, which she is currently trying to kick the crap out of its carb hating/insulin resistant ass. We know that she tries to do this by sometimes #shabammingtheshitoutoflife.

Well, today’s story finds her on her way to #bodycombattheshitoutoflife. Except she arrives at the gym to find she *dramatic gasp* hasn’t shaved her armpits…

She is faced with several choices:
1. Turn around and go home. There is no place for female body hair in the gym.

2. #bodycombattheshitoutoflife with her arms pinned to her side. (That would be well worth filming surely.)

3. #bodycombattheshitoutoflife at the back of the room, and hope she isn’t mistaken for a gorilla during any of the punching move busting.

She scratched her head, and thought: WWGGD. What Would Germaine Greer Do?

Well, she’d probably not be at the gym for a start. She wouldn’t give a shit who didn’t like her wobbly, insulin resistant ass-she’d change it for no fucker.

If she did go inside, the woman mused that Germaine would probably strip off to her bra and knickers, and march in there all pubes blazing, plaiting her leg and armpit hair as she went, while singing ‘cast off the shackles of yesterday’ as per Mrs Banks from Mary Poppins fame.

She’d probably use her bikini line hair to make a rope to gag anyone who passed comment on her hairy status.

She definitely wouldn’t wear any makeup, and definitely wouldn’t suffer the same the woman once had, of going to a spin class with last nights makeup on, and getting to the car to find most of the mascara residing just under her eyebrows, and salty sweat streaks running through her foundation.

But, as the woman was a disgrace to feminists everywhere, she chose to ignore #WWGGD What Would Germaine Greer Do? And she went home. Oh well, at least it saved the double whammy embarrassment of possibly letting out a bit of wee during a round house, plus being mistaken for a gorilla.

On her way home she was telephoned by the Keifer Sutherland lookalike.

“Guess what just happened?????” He said, sounding horrified.

“What dear, it sounds terrible,” she replied.

“A client just said ‘you remind me of someone. Someone famous,’ and I said (probably with a swaggy point and a wink) I know, is it Keifer Sutherland, I get it all the time (probably a smirk in there at this point) and she said ‘no, I was thinking of DONALD Sutherland-his father’…”

The bit of wee that didn’t get to come out at body combat, then escaped at that moment, during massive amounts of giggling and snorting that ensued…😂😂

The moral of the story? Invest in a cap sleeved gym t-shirt so that you can indulge yourself in never shaving your armpits while having the added benefit of not being mistaken for a gorilla while basking in your own hairiness. And also, that at a certain age, you will come to resemble the father of the celebrity you love that everyone mistakes you for, and it will be really bloody funny to your younger wife…!!    

In a city in southern England, there lived a woman. She was the wife of a Keifer Sutherland lookalike, and slave to the role of parent, except, hold on: Not today she wasn’t, because she had just dropped her children off at nursery!

Skipping to the car, shouting ‘FREEDOM’ in random strangers faces, she was ready to Braveheart the shit out of life. She was on her way to the gym, in a bid to regain some of her former body, which had slowly been destroyed by children, and making poor food substituions, such as wine instead of water, and Netflix instead of vegetables.

Skipping to the car, she could feel the pounds melting away already-plus, surely the burden of trying to be a good mum weighed her down by at least 3 stone? She was sure that if she weighed herself, that three stone would also have just fallen right the fuck away!

Anyway, today, she was off to try Sh’Bam-yes, she had no fucking clue either. In the car, she discovered that she could listen to the actual radio, with nobody moaning over the music, and nobody threatening to dump on demand, if they didn’t get to listen to the Horrid Twatting Henry audio book. What’s this? she mused, Radio 1?! How novel, she thought! Except she was expecting Chris Moyles, and was disappointed by the replacement-of course, she had been caught in a time warp, and had forgotten that it had been five years since she had listened to the radio with nobody screaming in her face, and Chris Moyles had fallen off the edge of the planet.

She became disheartened by the choice of music the newcomer was playing, and she suddenly remembered that Radio 1 had very strict rules about the type of music they played-the first being the song had to be less than two minutes old, the second being it had to have no staying power whatsoever.

But what was this? Outkast?? Hey Frigging Ya=TUNE!!!!!! The mum was definitely in the mood for Sh’Bamming the shit out of life now, forget Braveheart. She was going to shake it, shake it , shake it like a polaroid fucking picture. Outkast! She still couldn’t believe it! She also remebered that they were responsible for the legendary lyrics: ‘I know you like to think your shit don’t stink, but but lean a little bit closer, see, roses really smell like poo poo poo,’ which is actually a metaphor for LIFE, is it not? (Fact: original lyrics are ‘smells like boo boo boo’, which apparently means poo? Confused much? There’s entire forums dedicated to debating it, who knew!)

She further skipped into the gym, and found that Sh’Bam was a glorified Latin-American dance class, with lots of gyrating, hip thrusting, and boob wobbling-there were a few jumps thrown in, just to test the pelvic floor of the mainly postnatal women in attendance.

The mum’s dreams of shaking it like a polaroid picture were shattered into a million pieces, when her pelvic floor didn’t meet Sh’Bam standards, and she let out a bit of wee.

The moral of the story? Do your fucking pelvic floor exercises.

*I update this kind of ‘series’ on Facebook if you fancy following it there!*

No, I didn’t meet marmalade down in old New Orleans, and I definitely didn’t eat any, because it contains too much sugar…!!

Anyway, I’m really running with the song theme for the titles of these posts, I’m not sure why, probably mainly for my own amusement!

So what exercise have I done this week?

Sh’Bam-this was entirely new to me, and I didn’t have a clue what it was all about. The description on the website was vague too. So, it’s like a Latin American dance class, with a few jumps thrown in for good measure. I love dancing, and I enjoyed it as a fun way to get moving, but it didn’t leave me feeling like I wanted to die, so I probably won’t do it regularly.

Spin-urgh… Still makes me feel a little vommy, but works, so I will keep going!

Circuits-I wasn’t a huge fan last week, but I can see that when I’m stronger, this will be a brilliant HIIT style all over body workout.

Body combat-I have just been this morning, I absolutely love this one!

Omnia-a torturous 45 minutes of weights/pulley things, planks and other core stuff. I could barely feel my legs afterwards. There was a (phew) waiting list for this next week, so hopefully there won’t be any space…!! (joke, kind of…)

I don’t have anything new planned for next week, I’m doing the same mixture of the above.

Food diary:

I’ve kept a diary of what works and what doesn’t-my husband is the main source of stuff not working! He wants to eat the same as me (I’m already making different stuff for the children usually, so making something different for me and Mr W is just ridiculous,) but he is just as fussy as them…

Friday 13/01/17

Breakfast: Quinoa pear porridge-this was AWFUL!! Sorry quinoa, I like you as a savoury food, but even pear couldn’t save your earthy taste from making a rank breakfast!

Lunch: smoked salmon and scrambled egg-what’s not to like!

Dinner: Vegan Mexican chilli bowl with lentils. Mr W hated it! Although I actually loved it…

Saturday 14/01/17

Breakfast: Scrambled egg and avocado-yum!

Lunch: Tinned tuna and steamed veg-a bit boring, but ok.

Dinner: Chicken lentil curry-definitely a hit with both of us!

Sunday 15/01/17

Breakfast: Scrambled egg and steamed veg-yum!

Lunch: Carrot sticks and home made houmous-this was ok.

Dinner: Lemon and chive courgetti with mustard chicken-spiralised courgette in a paleo lemon and chive sauce, with baked mustard chicken-this was really good!

Monday 16/01/17

Breakfast: Cacao and coconut paleo granola (made with cacao nibs, so no sugar, and nuts instead of oats) this was reallllllllllllly good!

Lunch: pumpkin soup-also really nice!

Dinner: Chunky veg and lentil soup-we both liked it!

Tuesday 17/01/17

Breakfast: Cacao and coconut granola (I made a big batch, so had it for breakfast for a few days)

Lunch: Pumpkin soup-homemade, it was nice!

Dinner: King prawn lentil curry-definitely a favourite!

Wednesday 16/01/17  

Breakfast: Cacao and coconut granola

Lunch: Pumpkin soup

Dinner: Squashetti and vegan meatballs-spiralised butternut squash, tossed in oil and thyme, and ‘meatballs’ made from lentils and black beans, and a homemade tomato sauce on the top. I actually predicted that Mr W would hate this (the ‘meatballs’ looked grey and really unappetising,) but he loved it, and I think it’s the best meal so far.

 

Thursday 17/01/17

Breakfast: Cacao and coconut granola

Lunch: salmon and avocado on rye bread (giving rye bread a try as it’s low yeast and low carb, but may omit it in the future.)

Dinner: Chicken and butternut squash fritters with salad-this was another really nice one!

Today:

So far I’ve had paleo nut porridge with almond milk for breakfast, which was nice.

Pounds lost: Only 1 lost this week… But in the reading of mainly depressing information that I do, I did read that when eating well and exercising hard, muscle is built quicker than the fat is burned, leading to a gain, or a plateau-apparently it’s the biggest cause of people giving up in first few weeks. The balance should eventually shift, to where the muscle is built at a slower, more even rate, and the fat loss begins to show. Fingers crossed! This might not be the same for me, because PCOS is a dick, but I’m hopeful!

I’m also using the My Fitness Pal app to track food too. Then I can input accurately, by actual weights, the food I’m eating, and the exercise done. And it shows how easy it is to go over your calorie allowance too-there have been days where I feel like I’ve eaten very little, but by time I’ve hit ‘day complete’ on the app, I only would’ve had about 180 calories left-just goes to show that adding in a couple of glasses of wine (sob,) could easily take you 500 or so calories over your allowance, and you have no idea.

Sorry, I’ve been rubbish at taking pictures of what I’ve been eating-I’ll try and remember to do this next week!