The Vomit Games

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At the start of our journey home from our long weekend away, I’d already decided that as impromptu weekends away go, it was probably the best we’d ever had. The hotel had been amazing (The Sands in Newquay-anyone wanting a child friendly hotel really needs to check this out,) the weather had been brilliant, I’d taken an awesome memory lane trip around Newquay, stopping to take photos of the places I used to stumble out of with my friends, after a long night of carefree Smirnoff Ice drinking, and also marvelled that the same hangover food stops we frequented were open, and to top it off, the children had slept really well in their alien environment, allowing evenings full of copious prosecco drinking.

Mid reflection, the eldest child pulled me from my musings, with an ominously anxious sounding ‘mummy, I….’ which was as far as he got before the rest of his sentence got lost in a cascade of vomit that would give the little girl from the exorcist a run for her money. It appeared to be covering every single surface in the back of the car. My husband, proceeded to prove that he wasn’t lying when he said he could in ‘no way handle vomit,’ and as the putrid smell reached his nose, he swiftly pulled over, fell out of the car….and vomited on the side of the road. It was like a Mexican wave of vom, and I started to wonder who would be next. Little did I know, we’d now entered The Vomit Games, like a series of games and challenges, where the prize was never good, and only consisted of the lucky winner being covered in a sticky, chunk filled mess.

The first game was the vomit equivalent of Russian Roulette. The eldest seemed so perky after the initial incident, that I convinced myself that as we had left for home just after breakfast, and the roads were quite winding, that motion had caused the problem. After an hour or so, he asked if we could stop for a drink. So we pulled in at the nearest service station, and obliged. While the youngest was happy to sit and chew on some toast, the eldest was flitting between my lap, and my husband’s lap, in Russian Roulette meets pass the ticking time bomb parcel. My husband was the unfortunate winner of this game, when BOOM, just as my son moved from my lap to his, the latest offering of stomach contents sprang forth. Again, my husband made a mad dash to the toilet, to both rid his clothes of his prize, and to not let the Russian Roulette game stop-he was taking his role in the game seriously, evidently.

Once we finally made it home, we began a new game-the vom version of popular 90’s TV show Get Your Own Back. This involved me and the eldest sat on the sofa, with my ‘challenges’ being reading his cues correctly and getting a bowl in the right place at the right time, or choosing correctly whether to call his bluff when he said he needed the bowl, then backtracked and said it was a false alarm after all. He was not always telling the truth about the false alarms. He sometimes also said nothing at all, and I was left to read subtle body language changes. To avoid a Get Your Own Back style vom gunging, I had to deploy stealth ninja skills in getting the bowl ready, or call him out on his very own little game of poker he had going on.

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Of course, the youngest had to join in with the festivities. He decided to play his very own game of Bushtucker Trial. I had already caught him trying to eat a woodlouse earlier in the day. He clearly decided to take this to the next stage. In Japan, sometimes people eat puffer fish. But they are so poisonous, if not prepared correctly, they can kill you. Having laughed in the face of his own mini Bushtucker Trial, the youngest attempted to take it to the next level. He was going to find something he had no clue what it was, and challenge himself to down it in one and see what happened. Unfortunately, I left a full vomit bowl within his reach, while I went for an emergency wee, which had been threatening to cover my floor in protest at being left in my bladder for too long, for quite some time. I caught the youngest putting it to his lips, in an attempt to down the contents… In a slow motion ‘nooooooooooooooo….’ I got there just in time, before he went all puffer fish, and drank the contents to see whether they would poison him or not.

However, as the stream of vomit eventually began to subside, a new game began to emerge. The eldest was totally wiped out by what had happened, and decided to sleep solidly for a couple of days, just waking occasionally for drinks and snacks. The littlest decided that he would also extend his afternoon nap, and during this time, the Mummy Pentathlon began. I did several loads of washing, deep cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen, dusted things that hadn’t been dusted in years, watched something I wanted to watch on the TV, and had an actual nap. Finally, part of The Vomit Games that I had won!! My prize, instead of getting soaked in the sticky, chunky mess, was To Get S**t Done For The First Time Since 2012! Quite a rewarding end to a challenging games…!

This post first appeared on Meet Other Mums.

39 Comments

  1. August 21, 2016 / 8:28 am

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I have been through many vomit games myself and I still dry retch whenever I get a whiff. Glad you survived and only you can make a disgusting bodily function funny!

  2. August 22, 2016 / 6:12 am

    Oh my goodness, poor you and your poor son. But you have turned it into something so funny. Glad you had a good holiday and hope you’re all feeling better. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      August 22, 2016 / 6:33 am

      Thanks, this is a slightly old post now, so it’s all been forgotten about! But you have to laugh, or you’d cry!!

  3. August 22, 2016 / 7:59 am

    Oh no I can’t believe your hubby, poor you, or is it poor him? What a disaster! #bigpinklink

  4. August 22, 2016 / 8:32 am

    Lucky it didn’t whip it’s wildness through the whole family. I’m with your husband. I can handle my own kids, but mention your youngest about to drink vom vom and I was nearly gone! #bigpinklink

  5. August 22, 2016 / 8:35 am

    Oh no! Not a nice way to end a holiday. Unfortunately, I’ve played the vomit games quite a bit this year as tummy bugs keep going round the Mini Robots school. #BigPinkLink

  6. August 22, 2016 / 9:00 am

    Oh well it is all well as you eventually to do some stuff and even managed to have a nap! The joys of travelling…#bigpinklink

  7. August 22, 2016 / 9:13 am

    Oh you poor thing. It’s hard to know who has it worse when the vomits hit the family. The puker, the cleaner, the dog who seems to enjoy helping. Just awful all around. I am grateful that you (1) had a lovely hotel stay and (2) live outside of germs reach. Puking is just wretched – pun well intended! #Bigpinklink

  8. August 22, 2016 / 9:43 am

    Never have I enjoyed reading about sick more haha! You poor guys! What a naff way to end your time away.

    #bigpinklink

  9. August 22, 2016 / 11:01 am

    oh yuk yuk and more yuk! Your husband though – unbelievable skills! Super impressed with the getting s**t done though – massive prize for you xx hope all ok now lovely xx #BigPinkLink

  10. August 22, 2016 / 12:24 pm

    Congratulations on getting s**t done!! Sounds horrendous though and I, like your husband, cannot cope with vomit and can only hope that when it’s my own child’s I’ll be able to handle it like a trooper. You’re lucky you didn’t all catch it! Hope he’s feeling better, what a way to end a holiday! x #bigpinklink

  11. August 22, 2016 / 12:26 pm

    Oh Luce! That sounds horrific but yay to you winning! Poor you, you don’t do very well when it comes to vomit do you? On the ferry last night my friend’s little boy just went pure white and vommed at the dinner table. Good times! It was a very rough crossing though! Hope you’re all feeling much better now and that the sick bugs are gone for the foreseeable! Thanks for being such a fab host! #bigpinklink

  12. August 22, 2016 / 1:10 pm

    Kids love disgusting things lol. Too funny. They have these jelly belly jelly beans that may or may not taste like something gross and they love them, give a kid a dare. Love the picture too.

  13. August 22, 2016 / 1:26 pm

    Oh the vomit game lol… Have experienced it before and its not pleasant. Congratulations for winning though! #bigpinklink

  14. August 22, 2016 / 1:44 pm

    Poor you! But I tell you what no-one can tell a mom story quite like you! That’s a story to dine out on as they say! #bigpinklink

  15. August 22, 2016 / 3:08 pm

    OMG this is my idea of hell! Did you get the smell out if the car? I’m just like your hubby. I don’t do sick!!! Ever!!! #BigPinkLink

  16. August 22, 2016 / 3:17 pm

    I don’t do vomit either. The thought of your youngest and that unattended bowl….. almost gagging from here! #bigpinklink

  17. August 22, 2016 / 3:37 pm

    I cannot imagine! Yikes. When my baby was a couple months she projectile vomited on my chest when I was holding her in bed. My husband, unable to handle it, simply stuffed a bunch of paper towels between me and baby to soak it up. But I will give him credit that none got on the linens. lol. #bigpinklink We make it through to tell these stories…. 🙂

  18. August 22, 2016 / 6:44 pm

    Vomit is one thing I just cannot handle. I must admit, my husband always steps in, he is my hero 🙂 #bigpinklink

  19. August 22, 2016 / 7:41 pm

    Oh gosh you poor thing, whenever myself or my children are sick the first thought that springs to mind is Little Britain!! You know the one with the cakes…I hope they have all perked up.

    #bigpinklink

  20. August 22, 2016 / 7:50 pm

    Urgh!! I don’t do sick, I absolutely hate it 🙁 x #bigpinklink

  21. August 22, 2016 / 8:00 pm

    Oh god, this sounds horrible!! I seriously feel a bit sick now after reading this. Atleast you managed to get some stuff done though, yay to that xx #bigpinklink

  22. August 22, 2016 / 8:09 pm

    Oh my once I had the same with my husband’s nephew :/ He did that in my car and the oldest looked like he want to that as well and of course I was a driver and whole time I was stressed that someone’s vomits will come on my head:D #bigpinklink

  23. August 22, 2016 / 9:08 pm

    Ew that sounds gross! I hate the smell of vomit. #bigpinklink

  24. August 22, 2016 / 9:37 pm

    This had me laughing! Been there, decorated the t-shirt! #bigpinklink

  25. August 22, 2016 / 10:31 pm

    Oh god, kid vomit is the worst. At least you found the silver lining. Life’s pleasures really aren’t what they used to be. Lol. #bigpinklink

  26. August 23, 2016 / 7:10 am

    Haha every cloud and all that. Your poor little ones (and you and hubby) that must have been a fairly grim experience as games go. It’s horrible when they’re ill. Especially when they’re sick – for slightly selfish reasons too. Glad everyone is better now though – and hey you got shit done. I am jealous of that! Xx #bigpinklink

  27. August 23, 2016 / 2:42 pm

    OH VOMIT.

    We had the family flu once- everyone got it at the same time EXCEPT my husband

    grrrrrrrrr

    two small girls and two 6 month old twins and mom.

    The memory has scarred me and I life in fear of its return…

    • This Mum's Life
      August 23, 2016 / 2:54 pm

      Oh my goodness… That sounds absolutely horrendous… I would live in fear of that most dreadful of curses too! I can’t even imagine!!!!

  28. August 23, 2016 / 7:05 pm

    Eek what a nightmare. hope you and your boy are feeling better X #bigpinklink

  29. August 24, 2016 / 6:36 am

    Brilliant as ever! Oh dear the vomit games sound like such fun and so great that the whole family could partake!! Glad you could see the funny side. I have a phobia about being sick and I really worried about how I would cope with the kids being sick. I’m pleased to o say that them being sick has just brought out the caring side in me rather than the run for the hills side, although the day that Grace vomited into my mouth must go down in history!

    Hope they are all better now xxx

    #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      August 24, 2016 / 7:19 am

      In your mouth?????!!!! Horrifying!! That’d make or break a vomaphobe?!!

  30. August 24, 2016 / 2:30 pm

    So funny and brilliantly written but I feel your pain, having played this game earlier in the year I can safely say it is not the most fun I have ever had. Hope everyone is better now though! Thank you for hosting #bigpinklink lovely xx

  31. August 26, 2016 / 12:25 pm

    Haha so apart from the actual vomit, this was a really good thing!

    #bigpinklink
    (sorry I’m a late commenter, my sister went and gave birth)

    • This Mum's Life
      August 26, 2016 / 12:37 pm

      Ooh, congratulations!! I hope they’re both ok. Xx

  32. August 26, 2016 / 11:41 pm

    Yes I’ve played the vomit games many times. I think the best one was in a mobile home on. Haven holiday park in North Wales, two of the little buggers decided they were going to see who could vom the most.
    Whilst spinning. (Because just doing it in one spot isn’t as much fun)

    What a prize at the end of it though 😀😀

    #bigpinklink

  33. August 27, 2016 / 7:00 am

    Oh goodness lol! Glad you found the humour in this situation. My son occasionally gets travel sick so I know all about the nightmare that is getting vom out of a car seat. Glad you got your telly time and a nap though! X #bigpinklink

  34. August 28, 2016 / 6:22 am

    Ah oh dear lovely, the vomit games don’t sound like much fun at all. I hope that all the family are better now? We play vomit roulette every time we take the little one in the car! Nightmare. I hope you all had a fab time in Newquay regardless of the vomit. Claire X #bigpinklink

  35. August 29, 2016 / 1:48 am

    Haha – hilarious, but terrifying! I dread things like this happening. The last time my eldest had a sickness bug, I gave up on the bowl idea pretty quickly – she was clearly going to miss it every time no matter what I did! #bigpinklink