What Would Germaine Greer Do?

So, we all know that there was once a mum who lived in the south of England. We know that she was married to a Keifer Sutherland lookalike. We know that in her household, nobody ever listened to a fucking word she said, or ate anything she cooked. We know that she has PCOS, which she is currently trying to kick the crap out of its carb hating/insulin resistant ass. We know that she tries to do this by sometimes #shabammingtheshitoutoflife.

Well, today’s story finds her on her way to #bodycombattheshitoutoflife. Except she arrives at the gym to find she *dramatic gasp* hasn’t shaved her armpits…

She is faced with several choices:
1. Turn around and go home. There is no place for female body hair in the gym.

2. #bodycombattheshitoutoflife with her arms pinned to her side. (That would be well worth filming surely.)

3. #bodycombattheshitoutoflife at the back of the room, and hope she isn’t mistaken for a gorilla during any of the punching move busting.

She scratched her head, and thought: WWGGD. What Would Germaine Greer Do?

Well, she’d probably not be at the gym for a start. She wouldn’t give a shit who didn’t like her wobbly, insulin resistant ass-she’d change it for no fucker.

If she did go inside, the woman mused that Germaine would probably strip off to her bra and knickers, and march in there all pubes blazing, plaiting her leg and armpit hair as she went, while singing ‘cast off the shackles of yesterday’ as per Mrs Banks from Mary Poppins fame.

She’d probably use her bikini line hair to make a rope to gag anyone who passed comment on her hairy status.

She definitely wouldn’t wear any makeup, and definitely wouldn’t suffer the same the woman once had, of going to a spin class with last nights makeup on, and getting to the car to find most of the mascara residing just under her eyebrows, and salty sweat streaks running through her foundation.

But, as the woman was a disgrace to feminists everywhere, she chose to ignore #WWGGD What Would Germaine Greer Do? And she went home. Oh well, at least it saved the double whammy embarrassment of possibly letting out a bit of wee during a round house, plus being mistaken for a gorilla.

On her way home she was telephoned by the Keifer Sutherland lookalike.

“Guess what just happened?????” He said, sounding horrified.

“What dear, it sounds terrible,” she replied.

“A client just said ‘you remind me of someone. Someone famous,’ and I said (probably with a swaggy point and a wink) I know, is it Keifer Sutherland, I get it all the time (probably a smirk in there at this point) and she said ‘no, I was thinking of DONALD Sutherland-his father’…”

The bit of wee that didn’t get to come out at body combat, then escaped at that moment, during massive amounts of giggling and snorting that ensued…😂😂

The moral of the story? Invest in a cap sleeved gym t-shirt so that you can indulge yourself in never shaving your armpits while having the added benefit of not being mistaken for a gorilla while basking in your own hairiness. And also, that at a certain age, you will come to resemble the father of the celebrity you love that everyone mistakes you for, and it will be really bloody funny to your younger wife…!!    

38 Comments

  1. February 13, 2017 / 10:21 am

    hahaha, love it! I’m sure armpit hair just suddenly appears without warning! Maybe carry an emergency razor in your gym bag for such occasions haha. Great post though, made me smile! #bigpinklink
    Becky

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:15 pm

      It does doesn’t it?! Like someones put fertiliser on your pits! That’s a really good idea actually-I’ll put one in there!

  2. February 13, 2017 / 10:57 am

    Haha, this made me chuckle! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:14 pm

      I’m so glad!

  3. February 13, 2017 / 11:21 am

    HAHAHA this made me laugh out loud! Donald Sutherland is hilarious!! Bizarrely I wouldn’t have this armpit issue as 1) I’ve never been to a gym in my life and 2) My armpit hair just doesn’t grow?! Bonus! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:14 pm

      Oh my god, Laura! That’s like the biggest bonus ever!! I wish my entire body could be like your armpits…!

  4. February 13, 2017 / 11:26 am

    Hahahaha, fantastic! 🙂 It’s ok not to be like Germaine Greer – I’d totally have gone back home too. #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:13 pm

      Yes, I took what Germaine Greer would do, and shoved it!! Going home was the only option!

  5. February 13, 2017 / 11:32 am

    Haha, that’s the reason I wear a t-shirt when I go to the gym. which isn’t very often to be honest #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:11 pm

      I don’t blame you-they can be evil places!!

  6. February 13, 2017 / 11:39 am

    haha … love this! Poor hubby. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:11 pm

      It was hysterical!!

  7. February 13, 2017 / 11:42 am

    Haha!! Your husband must have been so devastated. I don’t go to the gym so I don’t have these dilemmas, although I forget to shave all the time! I heard this horrible story recently that some minor celebrity took a picture of a woman naked in the gym changing room and sent it to all her followers on snapchat, as well as one of her laughing at her. So evil and cruel, and makes you feel like nothing is private anymore doesn’t it?! So I don’t blame you for going home!! Hope you’ve got your new, sleeved top #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:10 pm

      I saw that story too-how absolutely awful of somebody to do that… I do-my new cap sleeved tshirts arrived from amazon at the weekend!!

  8. February 13, 2017 / 11:57 am

    Hahaha! My golly! Something similar happened to me! I got a fake tan and shaved my underarms which of course took the tan off with it! I had a basketball game that night so I couldn’t not hide my pit.. haha! Somebody pray for us!! #bugoinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:09 pm

      Oh nooooooooo!! I’m dying on your behalf…!!

  9. February 13, 2017 / 12:45 pm

    Hehe! Remember Julia Roberts on the red carpet – hairy pits galore… x

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:03 pm

      I do remember!! But I’m not sure she ever made it chic though??! Not sure if I will ever be chic again to be fair though…!

  10. February 13, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    HAHAHA! firstly #shabammingtheshitoutoflife needs to trend! Secondly I think WWGGD is perhaps a motto and question that needs to be asked every day, then potentially do the exact opposite… situation dependant. Thirdly… Donald Sutherland! I’m dying! I didn’t do enough pelvic floors to cope with this!
    #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:02 pm

      Hehe…!! My husband was mortified-I found it bloomin hilarious!! I always ask myself what someone would do, on a daily basis-what would the queen do? what would Adele do? etc…!! Then yes, the opposite must usually be done!!

  11. February 13, 2017 / 3:07 pm

    Ha ha ha ha! I blooming love this. It’s a conundrum. At least it wasn’t the bikini line at the swimming pool. Besides, I think Madonna et al are bringing hairy back these days so y’know, you could have been at the cutting edge 😉 x #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 4:00 pm

      It would make my hairy life a darn sight easier if hairy was the new chic!!

  12. February 13, 2017 / 3:10 pm

    hahaha! yep, a cap sleeve t-shirt sounds good, but I’ve still no idea of this gym place you are talking of?

    • This Mum's Life
      February 13, 2017 / 3:59 pm

      It is a mythical place of torture… you will do well to never discover it…!

  13. February 14, 2017 / 1:01 pm

    Oh dear I hope your husband’s ego isn’t too deflated and your pelvic floor has resumed its normal status! I am all for the cap sleeve t-shirt – it helps hide the saggy bit at the top of the arm as well as the protruding armpit hair I find! #bigpinklink

  14. February 14, 2017 / 6:45 pm

    This made me giggle. #bigpinklink

  15. February 14, 2017 / 8:06 pm

    LOL! Hurray for cap sleeves. Hilarious post! Poor hubby. Thank you for hosting #BigPinkLink 🌟

    • This Mum's Life
      February 17, 2017 / 10:56 am

      Cap sleeves all the way!

  16. February 14, 2017 / 9:36 pm

    ha ha! Honestly shaving is such a nightmare, I always forget!! I’m ow going to scroll through your blog and see if I can find a picture of your hubby so I can decide for myself. Keifer or Donald……ha ha!
    #bigPinkLInk

  17. February 15, 2017 / 8:50 am

    My favourite bit of this post is the image of Germaine Greer singing the Suffragette song from Mary Poppins with her plaited bikini line hair. I shall be humming that all day. #bigpinklink

  18. February 16, 2017 / 4:34 pm

    he he he he he this is brilliant. Love this post xx ,

    • This Mum's Life
      February 16, 2017 / 4:38 pm

      Thank you!!

  19. February 17, 2017 / 9:50 am

    This is FUNNY! Love it. I am just about to go to the gym – ah the pressure! Who am I kidding? I dont’ care! Lol. Great post. Love the way you write! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      February 17, 2017 / 10:12 am

      Thanks so much! X

  20. February 19, 2017 / 5:06 pm

    Hahaha so funny. Good call on going home too. That’s what I’d have done! #bigpinklink

  21. February 19, 2017 / 10:02 pm

    I’d have gone home too. So funny!

  22. February 20, 2017 / 7:45 am

    Actual LOL and I totally would have gone home too. There’s never an acceptable place to reveal gorilla pits, hahaha x

    • This Mum's Life
      February 20, 2017 / 7:46 am

      I agree-NEVER!!!!