When Your Best Friends Are No Longer Your Best Friends

afriends

To be honest, I’m not a #bestiesforever kind of person. I’ve always ranked that hashtag up there with people who post pictures of themselves on social media, looking absolutely f***ed, with the caption ‘this little angel has kept me awake for a week straight, but I’m so #blessed.’ I’ve been known to unfriend anyone who uses #blessed, because ultimately, I know that we can’t really be friends. I love Instagram, but some of the hashtags I use to whore myself for likes, are similar to #blessed, and I’ve had to stop using some of them, because it feels like I’m selling out a bit. It got to the point where #bestiesforever, brought the same kind of cringe into my life, and it took me a while to work out why.

I do love a good celebration of friendship, whether it be on social media, or just sending someone a message to tell them they’ve been an awesome friend, or that you miss them. When children are involved, it’s often searching your diary for months on end, finding out that nobody has the same free date for the next 18 months, but looking forward to that date like your life depends on it, knowing that after one sip of prosecco, it’ll feel like you’ve all never been apart. I’m just not a fan of hashtagging everything, especially when sometimes it’s for the benefit of others, or you trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. So what happens when you slowly realise that your best friends aren’t your best friends anymore…?

I think it’s safe to say that when you have a child, you will, whether it’s intentional or not, totally overhaul your life. You chuck out old clothes that will never fit you again, you sweep the house for anything that might hurt your child, and promptly get rid of it, or put it out of reach. You also suddenly have no time for friendships that have become hard work, and overhaul these with everything else. What you’re going through is hard enough, without the added stress of trying to maintain something that you don’t want to be, or will just never work.

I started to feel like that about a lot of my friendships, from very early on in my pregnancy, and once my first baby arrived, it became clear that maintaining certain friendships was going to be harder than climbing Kilimajaro in heels. But it was a struggle of emotions-these were friendships I’d had for 20 years-I’d been friends with these people for longer than I hadn’t been. I felt I should keep trying. Eventually, the hurt I felt every time I saw a #bestiesforever picture without me in it, outweighed the need I felt to try and remain friends. They also did some pretty wanky things, using the fact that I had a baby, as an excuse for ignorance. One day, I just went through my phone, and deleted all numbers of people I no longer felt were friends, and blocked them from all social media. I was cackling like a deranged witch when I did it, gleefully muttering ‘so long, knobheads,’ and practically danced around the house, free from the weight of them, and just relieved I finally had some closure on the situation.

But out of the blue, I was out one day, saw something hilarious, and retrieved my phone to take a picture, thinking ‘H would love this!!’ Then I realised-me and H aren’t friends anymore. I had cut H out of my life. It hit me, I would never actually see H again, and that had been my decision… The full force of cutting these people from my life hit me, and for a while, I actually felt bereft. Before now, I’d felt nothing but relief, and cackling delight, but to feel bereft totally knocked me for six. It was almost like I was experiencing the stages of bereavement for the friendships I had lost-denial that they were no longer viable friendships, anger (the bit that made me delete their numbers faster than a secretary on speed,) and I was now bargaining with myself over whether the decision had been the right one, and feeling depressed about it.  I have of course, now given the whole situation way too much thought, and come up with the following:

I hated #bestiesforever because I was jealous-I wanted to be included, and I got rid of my friends because of jealousy, not because the hashtag made me want to do a little bit of sick in my mouth, which is what I told myself.

I spend too much time alone, with small people, with too much time to think about things. My mind has blown everything out of proportion, and my friends have actually done nothing wrong, and I’ve constructed everything I ‘think’ they’ve done to wrong me, in my own mind.

My friends genuinely never invited me anywhere anymore because I had children, and they automatically assumed that meant I could never go anywhere, or do anything ever again.

They filed me under B for Boring, and planned to be better friends once they thought I was less boring.

Maybe they actually wanted to get rid of me, and were actually doing the dance of delight that they’d pushed me out enough to make me get rid of them, thus alleviating their own guilt at just finding me to be a total non entity, and no longer wanting me in their lives.

I’m actually overthinking the whole f***ing thing, and my initial assessment that they were in fact, shitty friends, was correct, and I’ve done the best thing for everyone by cutting ties.

It’s just so flipping hard, to know what is the right thing to do. I’ve always gone with my gut feeling, and my gut was definitely telling me to let go. But then it changed it’s mind, and left me with a nagging feeling that I messed up. Maybe a part of me thought that once they had children of their own, they’d realise they’d not been the greatest of friends, and want to make amends (because, I will hold my hands up and say that I wasn’t the most understanding towards people with children, when I didn’t have any of my own.) But then, despite being blocked, a picture of one of them with a new baby managed to make its way onto my facebook timeline, and it was captioned #blessed… Maybe that’s just enough said, I need to focus on the remaining amazing friends I have in my life. That should be my final stage in the process-closure.

afriends1

80 Comments

  1. November 20, 2016 / 5:57 pm

    Since having babies I have lost friends. It is a strange thing I feel.

    • This Mum's Life
      November 20, 2016 / 6:11 pm

      It’s a strange phenomenon isn’t it? It’s like you just no longer understand each other, on any level, and can’t see why people who meant so much to you, have become people you just don’t recognise anymore.

  2. November 20, 2016 / 9:06 pm

    Yep…this sounds familiar. I’ve not actually taken the physical steps of removing people from my life BUT it’s happened fairly naturally anyway. For what it’s worth, your #blessed friend may still have shunned you even with your new found common ground of motherhood, and that’s equally as hurtful if not more than when you had a vast expanse of difference between you. Life moves forward, not back hun. What will be will be, maybe it’ll all come full circle one day. For now, focus on the friends who have shone in your hour of need, and focus on all that’s good in your life xxx #blessed #joke

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 9:29 am

      Sound advice as always Sarah!! Do you know, I think part of my brain was anticipating that even when #blessed had her baby, that we still wouldn’t be friends, so cutting her off was saving my feelings before they became hurt even more. I’m mainly moving past it now, but I just get the odd flicker of missing them every now and again, and it just throws me. X

  3. November 20, 2016 / 10:00 pm

    When we have kids, friendships and relationships dynamics will change, some for the better and some for the worse. I think we should tell ourselves that it’s okay to let go when it does not work for both sides anymore. And when you close one door, another door will open, and allow new friends to enter into your lives. I am guilty of over-thinking too much but I always trust my gut instinct, make the decision and never look back.

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 9:31 am

      Over thinking definitely makes things worse. The majority of my head tells me I’ve made the right decision. There’s just a tiny nostalgic part that tries to keep holding on. X

  4. November 21, 2016 / 9:10 am

    Had a friend cut me out of her life. A year later she wanted to be my friend and she had no explanation for what she did. I forgave and we moved past it. Then a year after that she blew me off again. This time she told all our friends she wouldn’t see them if I was invited to events. It was a rough few weeks until our mutual friends realized they were being held hostage to a madwoman and decided I was the person worth devoting time to- who knew when she would cut one of them off next. The woman who cut me out called me after another year and wanted to “fix it” because she missed everyone. I told her to forget I existed because I didn’t want to get on the merry go round with her again. We are in our 30s and life is too short to spend with people who don’t fulfill you! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 9:14 am

      Gosh, she does sound crazy… I’m glad everyone saw her for what she was, and decided that you were the best person to be around!! I’m sure these people caused me more hurt than they brought me happiness, but it’s the nostalgic side of me that finds it so hard to permanently let go. But you’re right-life is definitely too short for anyone causing you pain x

  5. November 21, 2016 / 9:31 am

    I have never had a best friend since I was 10. I count my mum, sister and husband as my best friends #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 9:39 am

      Totally with you-my mum and my cousins are some of the best friends I could ask for!

  6. November 21, 2016 / 9:33 am

    Me again popping back
    From #bigpinklink whoop!

  7. November 21, 2016 / 9:39 am

    Its such a hard thing to go through but friendships really do change once babies are on the scene. I really respect your attitude – you should only have people in your life who are good for you xx #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 9:41 am

      Thanks Fi. It was a hard decision, but I’m sure it was the right one. Although I can’t imagine you falling out with anyone!! X

  8. November 21, 2016 / 9:49 am

    I can relate to this on so many levels. I had my eldest at 23 and was the first of my group of friends to have children. I felt really lonely and left out if I’m honest, and it got worse when I had my other four, especially having three babies in two years. I barely saw them, let alone heard from them, and when I did it was via social media seeing them all out together without me. But then they were my best friends of 25 years, and I didn’t feel ready to let them go. Now, when I see them, it’s as though no time at all has passed, they now have children and can understand how difficult life has been for me with so many, and everything else we went through, and it’s not the same, but it’s okay. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 10:08 am

      It’s horrible to feel so left out, and so misunderstood, isn’t it? Mine got really upset because I had to miss a lot of their weddings-one got married when my littlest was 3 weeks old, and children/babies weren’t invited. I respect that she didn’t want them there, but I couldn’t leave a 3 week old, who breast fed constantly! She had no concept of why I couldn’t leave him, and didn’t speak to me for a year. I’m glad you’ve reached a kind of understanding with your friends, and are in a better place-but I’m sure you won’t completely forget what they did x

  9. November 21, 2016 / 9:58 am

    friendship is one massive minefield 🙁

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 10:09 am

      It is unfortunately… x

  10. November 21, 2016 / 10:17 am

    I’m struggling with this right now. My friends don’t have kids, nor are any of them in a position where they’re thinking of it yet. They don’t understand me or what I’m doing now. I feel very isolated, but I don’t have any other friends to fall back on yet. I need to cut the ties and move away from them, but it’s not an easy decision to make. SO well done you! #bigpinklink

  11. November 21, 2016 / 10:47 am

    I find it hard to make friends and only have one friend from school who I never see as it’s hard to fit seeing her in with the kids and stuff! But I am guilty of forgetting to text back and things like that I’m a pretty useless friend to be fair! #bigpinklink xx

  12. November 21, 2016 / 11:01 am

    Motherhood really does overhaul everything. I’ve lost one or two friends, but they live far away and it was hard to see them regularly even before I became a Mum so I think it was just a natural process to drift apart… although there was one of them I’d known since childhood and she stood me up on a lunch date because myself and my then 8 month old son were late because we got stuck in traffic. That really upset me. She blocked me almost instantly from social media, left scathing messages focussed on my apparent unreliability and lack of punctuality and I cried hot tears of anger and frustration at being shamed for things that were out of my control. On the whole though, my friends have been brilliant. Which always surprises me as none of them have children of their own yet so I’m grateful that they put themselves in my place and don’t get mad if I can’t make a date or take a week to reply to a text! #pinkylinky

  13. November 21, 2016 / 11:48 am

    You DO re-evaluate friendships post babies. And also, you do as you get older anyway. I have chucked out a good few long term friendships because i can’t be bothered with the drama despite them being super fun to be around when they’re “good”. I actually wrote a similar post about it after a harrowing weekend where a supposed “best friend” had come over from Oz and then basically treated me like shit (unsurprisingly, she doesn’t have kids). I called it “toxic friends”but i don’t think i can publish it because it kind of passive aggressively implicates a few more other rubbish friends…but it was mega cathartic to write. Well done for deleting them. That’s a hard and brave decision but it’s the right one. You shouldn’t put up with shit friendness. Life is too short! XXXX

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 7:26 pm

      Life is definitely too short!!!! I love a bit of passive aggression though-you should definitely publish your post-then delete those friends from your life!! I’d been hoping these particular friendships were going to get better, for about 6 years… it clearly was never going to happen… Even if you never publish your post, I’m glad that it at least made you feel better to write it!! X

  14. November 21, 2016 / 12:13 pm

    None of this is funny but the fact that your ex friend uses the #blessed really does tell you all you need to know. I struggle with all the tags and have stopped using some of them because it feels hypocritical (#cherisheverymoment my arse!) As for friends I have a couple of close friends, two from college and 2 mummy friends (ie known since becoming a mum). I don’t see them regularly enough so why I feel the need to feel guilty that I haven’t kept in touch from a single person from school is beyond me… but I do. I know who my real friends are because like yourself they aren’t delusional with the ‘glow of motherhood’. They also understand that although you can’t go out all of the time it is at least nice to be invited. I think you made the right decision. I recently had a facebook cull and deleted everyone I haven’t spoken to in the last 6 months. It felt GREAT!
    #BigPinkLink

  15. November 21, 2016 / 12:20 pm

    Hmm i can relate to this. It was quite surprising and hurtful the way some friends acted when i became a mother. Nothing spiteful though and i genuinely just think it was a bit of ignorance as now they are becoming mothers things are changing. Nostalgia can be a wonderful thing – some of my current friendships are purely based on that! Which I think is ok as although the friendships are not particularly great shakes they are not damaging to either party either! I love the cackling delight by the way! I want to drink prosecco with you! #bigpinklink #blessed
    #JOKING

  16. November 21, 2016 / 12:35 pm

    You had me at the first paragraph! I hate #blessed! I can relate to the over-thinking too. It is really tough, especially if your close friends don’t have children (like mine). I remember when I was pregnant saying that we won’t be like all the other people who lose touch because they have kids. But we are. It often feels like we don’t have anything in common any more. I still love them, but i’d much rather spend my time with my little girl. It’s a tough one. #bigpinklink

  17. November 21, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    I do think becoming a parent is such an enormous change that there are some friendships and relationships that just can’t withstand the difference… when you can’t go out and do shots anymore, or have a weekend away at short notice, can’t drop everything to comfort the friend who has been dumped- well, some friendships just aren’t deep enough to survive it. I am one of the first of my friends to become a parent and I feel lucky that almost all of them have supported me and still want to be pals with the new me.. I don’t see any of them so often now, of course, but the core of the friendship seems to be there. Which is lucky as I haven’t found it as easy to make really close ‘mum friends’ as I thought I would!!
    I think letting go was the right decision. Some people aren’t worth the energy we expend on them. #bigpinklink

  18. November 21, 2016 / 1:43 pm

    What a poignant, honest post. I think there is a lot to be said for going with your gut – friends should be there for you through anything. Having children shouldn’t alter that. My friendships have changed in that I don’t see my best friends as much but we do make an effort to see each other when we can – but they all have children so understand. The difference for me is my relationship with my sister has changed – she lives nearby but we barely see each other now that I don’t go out drinking. As for the pics on social media I would say…there are lies, damned lies and Facebook #bigpinklink

  19. November 21, 2016 / 1:44 pm

    I really understand this post. I had a friends overhaul and just deleted a load of people who just really weren’t my friends anymore, they had just become social media contacts. And it actually felt so good and freeing. But I do get the odd pang too, because there are so many memories from growing up which I share with just those people. But those memories still make me happy, and the people just aren’t the same anymore. Great ending to this. You should consider yourself #blessed to have moved on 😉 #bigpinklink

  20. November 21, 2016 / 2:07 pm

    I’ve never had any friends, mainly by choice, but partially by circumstance, and I see a lot of my reality in your words. It seems perfectly logical to me to use the old adage: my family are my friends, but it’s a cop out to justify my own reluctance to engage in friendship for a whole plethora of reasons.

    • This Mum's Life
      November 21, 2016 / 2:33 pm

      I think I feel what you’re saying-I sometimes actually wish I didn’t have to have friends, and just have my family too-my life would be so much simpler, and I still maintain that my family are the only people who truly get me. There is always drama, no matter how good the friends are, and I often wonder if this is constructed purely out of boredom and frustration, and to escape the daily grind. It’s just not something I want to engage in. I’ve often wondered whether it’s me who isn’t right, for not acting in the correct, socially constructed acceptable way, or if I’ve just never met the right friends. I much prefer my own company most of the time! I absolutely admire you for admitting it’s not for you, and chucking the whole friends idea. Xx

  21. November 21, 2016 / 2:53 pm

    I think you naturally do drift away from people during your life as it’s rare you’re at the same point in life at the same time. I’m lucky my best friends love children so we are always seeing each other. One of my friends who I used to be really good friends with I rarely see anymore because she is still busy going out partying and just not anywhere near the point of life I am at. She’s constantly sending me snapchats of her out and inviting me and my husband on nights out, even though we have made it clear we aren’t interested in nights out partying! #bigpinklink

  22. November 21, 2016 / 3:00 pm

    Hahaha harder than climbing mt. Kilimanjaro in heels! Yes, I agree that us mothers sacrifice friendships and much more for our little ones and it can be a difficult path. Yet, they are our priority and we must make our way through and search for friendships that are worth holding on to. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:51 am

      That’s right-it often a sacrifice of motherhood. But real friends would understand that, or at least give some slack, even if they don’t understand at all. X

  23. November 21, 2016 / 4:36 pm

    Moving to Mexico doesn’t help much in maintaining friendships! I’ve been pretty rubbish at keeping in touch, it’s not easy over such a long distance. #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:50 am

      I’m sure that is a very good reason!!

  24. November 21, 2016 / 4:48 pm

    You’ve absolutely hit it on the head. My circle of friends has changed so much since becoming a mum. There were just those certain people that were not compatible with the new mummy version of myself and I just couldn’t force myself to go through the motions with them and fight to keep something going that just wasn’t working from my prospective and made me doubt myself. There are also those certain friends though that are like rocks. You each may drift in your own directions from time to time, but you will always still be there when you need each other and it will feel like you’ve never been apart. I’m a firm believer in that people come in and out of your lives when you need them and they need you. Some of those friendships will be rocks, and some of them will just be something to look back upon and reflect or learn from. #bigpinklink xx

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:49 am

      Always such wise words Dawn. You’re right-it makes you doubt YOURSELF, doesn’t it-am I the bad person/crap person/boring person/not worth hanging around with, and the feelings of doubt affected my self worth more than I could handle. It was time to move on. X

  25. November 21, 2016 / 5:25 pm

    It is tough when we need to move on, but sometimes friendships become a burden or a hindrance to happiness. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:47 am

      So true! X

  26. November 21, 2016 / 5:25 pm

    Kids change everything and that includes friendships. Saying that I do think that some friendships can be shaken but never broken but I suppose that is just my own personal experience. Friends are only worth having if they fit in with the description. If they are going to make you feel like S**t then not worth it. You have the right idea. #bigpink link

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:46 am

      And these people made me feel like crap on a regular basis-whether it was inadvertent or not. I agree, that a real friendship would stand the test of time-it definitely seems that these friendships weren’t meant to last. X

  27. November 21, 2016 / 5:32 pm

    I hear ya lady! It is like every stage of motherhood sees friends come and friends go. Kids really do dictate everything…

    #bigpinklink

  28. November 21, 2016 / 5:55 pm

    I feel you pain, though I don’t have kids of my own, changing in our 20s makes you realize which friends put in the work and which friends are just kind of crappy friends. You should focus on the amazing friends you do have! Even if it’s only a couple like me, they’re worth focusing on instead of the negatives!

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:44 am

      Yes! I prefer to keep my friendship groups small. And the friends I have are definitely worth focusing on!! I just need to get rid of 20 years of sentimentality!! X

  29. November 21, 2016 / 6:02 pm

    I remember that awful feeling when it hits you that you aren’t friends anymore. People I’d know for years were suddenly no longer in my life, in reality it was for the best but I was difficult.

    #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:42 am

      It is an awful feeling isn’t it? X

  30. November 21, 2016 / 6:33 pm

    There isn’t enough time to keep up with all friends, I have certainly found that. I think you work out which ones are important and which ones you have grown apart from. Sometimes you just move on in life, make new friends. I do have a circle of old friends but they are good and loyal friends and I know that we won’t lose touch. There shouldn’t be drama with real friends: it should be easy, like when you find the right partner. It seems to me that you’re maybe right when you think that you haven’t met the right friends yet? You’re right to go with your gut. True friends should make you feel happy and good about yourself.

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:40 am

      Lovely words, a very calming insight into how I feel I should be thinking!! I was at the point where I was in knots of anxiety if I was going to see these people, and you’re right-that’s not how it should be with real friends. X

  31. November 21, 2016 / 10:14 pm

    I think this happens with big life events not just kids. Changing job, moving, leaving school etc. Sometimes we drift. Sometimes its he said she said. Sometimes its radio silence. Its important to have good friends but ones that you are happy/relaxed and can be straight talking with. We all change sometimes the friendship doesn’t change with us. #bigpinklink Lifeinthemumslane

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:38 am

      Very true. It does seem to be a natural part of life. Just quite a sad one sometimes… x

  32. November 21, 2016 / 10:15 pm

    There’s an old saying (I’ve no idea where this comes from so please forgive my ignorance) that there are friends for a reason, a season and a lifetime. We like to think that all our friends are in the latter category, but sometimes life gets in the way. People change and move on. It’s sad, but it’s life, and it sounds like you did the right thing. If your friends don’t have kids yet but do in the future, you may find they come back to you. When my friends had kids, I felt like we had nothing in common anymore, but now I have a child, I have more in common with them again, and less with my friends without kids. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:36 am

      Oh yes, I have heard that saying in the past!! It’s very true!! I think I was meant to move away from these people, but nostalgia was holding me back. I think even if they do have children, they’ll lack the insight into their actions, to realise that our friendship crumbled because of their attitude to my life with children in it. X

  33. November 21, 2016 / 10:25 pm

    When I moved away from where I grew up, I really only kept in touch with good friends. Even though I was the first to have kids, we kept in touch and now they have kids, we see each other more again. I think my ‘friend cull’ just happened at a different time! Hard but necessary, I think! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:32 am

      It seems that most people have done it at some time or another!! X

  34. Topfivemum
    November 21, 2016 / 11:36 pm

    HAHA I love your view on #blessed. It’s right up there with people who gush about their other halves and how wonderful they are publicly. I wonder if they’d ever tell them face to face or just over IG/Facebook? It all just feels for show and unreal somehow (unless I’m the only one who often feels like I hate my hubby’s guts. Just joking. I’m #blessed really)

    I so need to have a friend cull! And FAMILY cull. Seriously, this is the time of year to really note down who sends you a Christmas card. I’ve realised over half the people on my list just don’t bother any more. I think I did it out of obligation/tradition/not to upset Aunty Eileen. Sod that, time’s too precious.

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:32 am

      Brilliant reply!! Yes, I did the Christmas card cull last year! And did the family cull after my nan died-now I have the best of my aunts/uncles/cousins in my life, and I’m happy with that! Now I just have to make peace with this friend situation, and I’m there!! X

  35. November 22, 2016 / 6:35 am

    Life a constantly changing animal, and children are one of the biggest catalysts to change…..I have gorwn apart from many friends since having children, I have made new friends, and I have some friends, who, even if i don’t see them more then once every few years, are always there no matter what…Great post, really got me thinking #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:26 am

      Thanks, yes you’re right, life is always changing and evolving! I can be very reluctant to accept change, maybe that’s why I’m over thinking it!! X

  36. November 22, 2016 / 7:26 am

    I never experienced this with having my little one but experienced it through my job. I had a friend who stopped asking me to go anywhere because they assumed I’d be too busy marking. Overtime, we naturally grew apart and I didn’t end up inviting them to my wedding which I find really sad as I never imagined that to happen.

    I think if after all this time these friends still haven’t reached out then you probably did the right thing by deleting them. If only life was less complicated though! #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:25 am

      Yes, I have thought about that too! One of them gave a message to another mutual friend, asking if I’d phone her, but she was actually the one who was central to all the problems, and the most toxic of the lot!! But the others didn’t bother, so that should be that! It is just far too complicated isn’t it!! X

  37. November 22, 2016 / 8:01 am

    I do ‘over thinking’ super well; sometimes I construct a new mindsight and stick to it, only to discover I was well off the mark. Real friends will be there if you want them back in your life. #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 8:22 am

      It’s very easy to do, isn’t it!! I’m pretty sure I’ve made the right decision! X

  38. November 22, 2016 / 8:50 am

    oh my goodness – I love this post. SO many parts of it rang true for me. Seriously, how does a stupid hashtag have the ability to put me in a bad mood?! The reality is these people are quite often doing it for the benefit of others. Urgh! Long term friendships are nice to have yet I can’t help think that for me personally I have a much better time with newer friends that I’ve made as an adult rather than friends I have grown up with. We all change and I guess our friendships do too. Your post made me lol in quite a few places! keep it up ;0)

  39. November 22, 2016 / 9:47 am

    It is quite amazing how sometimes having kids becomes the great divider of who is and who isn’t a friend. And effit, it hurts. List that amongst all the other things no one ever tells you about becoming a parent, like lack of sleep and te ability to handle poo in all formats. Hang tough! Leave the door open and the proper friend wlks through. #BigPinkLink xoxo

  40. November 22, 2016 / 11:02 am

    A lovely post, I can’t think of any friends I’ve lost completely but there are definitely childless friends who I see a lot less of nowadays! #bigpinklink

  41. November 22, 2016 / 1:01 pm

    I read this and I felt so sad. You are worth far more then the value these friends seemed to put on your friendship. It really is their loss, even if you don’t feel it right now. I for one, am very glad that you have more time for new friends now. Thanks for being a wonderful friend and fabulous cohost. #bigpinklink

  42. November 22, 2016 / 1:11 pm

    I love this post because it’s exactly how I feel. I have lost touch with some special people because I just couldn’t maintain the type of friendship that we had – having kids just changes everything no matter how hard you try and keep things the same you just aren’t anymore. I always think that true friendship adapts to each others circumstances and if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be. Go you for cutting ties that didn’t work for you, it takes alot of balls! #bigpinklink

  43. November 22, 2016 / 2:34 pm

    I can relate a bit to this. I have a close friend from home who I barely see anymore, despite several invitations to come and stay with us (we live 3 hours away) and i do feel like we have much less in common now, post kids. Her Facebook feed is full of pictures of cocktails and statuses about getting drunk, and mines about how to get a toddler to eat more veg! It’s just life and natural I guess. I haven’t cut ties because I don’t feel she’s been shitty, it’s just the situation. But, I’ve met some other women post kids who I felt I didn’t really click with and after a year of attempting to feel part of their clique, I left the social media group, fed up with feeling like the one they didn’t like. I. mostly feel better for it, but some days I wonder if I should have stayed in touch more, usually when I feel lonely. But in truth we didn’t have much in common other than the fact we all met at a baby group. I still see them occasionally and we are pleasant but we’re just not ‘besties’! I think you just have to do what makes you happy and if cutting ties with some people helps then so be it. #bigpinklink

  44. November 22, 2016 / 6:07 pm

    It sucks that becoming a parent is like the crappy mates are immediately obvious. I’m super lucky that one of my best friends since school doesn’t have kids but still wants to see me with or without a baby. She even sends me pictures of gifts she’s bought for him and she openly admits she doesn’t want her own kids!
    As we get older our lives change, sometimes our friendship circles shrink but those are the ones who are worthwhile.
    Don’t beat yourself up about it. At least it’s not family doing it to you 😒😒😒
    #bigpinklink

    • This Mum's Life
      November 22, 2016 / 6:13 pm

      That’s very true-my family are the best!! You’re friend sounds awesome-definitely a keeper!!

  45. November 22, 2016 / 6:50 pm

    I have a real friends and they don;t care that I have kids but I don;t see them very often because they live in different country:( but I know what you saying because my friends from work was all the time saying that they will be coming to visit my but they’ve been here once:/
    #bigpinklink

  46. November 22, 2016 / 8:35 pm

    This is a tough one. After we adopted I stopped seeing my non-kid friends and I really miss them, but I had to go out and make new friends, it was hard at first, putting in time at the PTA, but slowly after about two years I now have a close bunch of friends. We then moved to France and I knew no-one, and I had to go out and show my face and start making friends again otherwise it’d just be me and the dog (and the kids too!). I do have my college friends – we’re close but realistically we only see each other once a year at the most. It’s hard, but worth it. #bigpinklink

  47. November 22, 2016 / 9:26 pm

    I recognise where you are coming from here. I have almost the oposite problem with a certain friend if mine. We bacame friends through work but my youngest son was more or less the same age as her eldest. For a long while we were best of friends, but these days she appears to gravitate towards friends who have children who are the same age as her younger children (there is a big age gap between her 1st and 2nd children). When I see her asking on facebook if her mummy friends want to do things, or see pics of them together I get the green eyed monster and think she never messages or visits or has time for me to visit her. So many times I have said to myself the friendship is at an end, but then we do spend time together and its the same old fun friendship it has always been.
    #bigpinklink

  48. November 23, 2016 / 6:48 am

    I’m not friends with anyone I knew way back when, not really anyway, we never hang out or anything. All the friends I’ve had I’ve met since having Evie and I guess as they are mum friends too they just get it! But you’re right when you see yourself being a bit pushed out it does make you sad and jealous, but they’re just shitty people! #MarvMondays

  49. November 23, 2016 / 8:46 pm

    I’ve had friends come and go through all stages of my life, going off to uni, moving to loading, moving back to the north east etc. The only constant through all of that has been my husband (together since 18) and he is my true best friend. It’s so easy to overthink these decisions but 9 times out of 10 your gut reaction was the right one. If they were making you feel left out then they weren’t true best friends anyway x
    #Bigpinklink

  50. November 23, 2016 / 9:46 pm

    It’s so hard to retain the friendships that you had once children come along. I feel exactly the same as you, although I didn’t delete them from my phone. But I do look back on the easier days, and those when it was easy to plan to meet up rather than having to book a weekend so far in advance, and then it often gets cancelled for some reason. I find it especially hard to keep the strong friendship going with those who are not in the life stage as myself. I wish it was easier. Thanks for sharing this post with us. Claire x #BigPinkLink

  51. November 27, 2016 / 5:10 pm

    You’re very ruthless! I’m not sure I’d have the guts to delete and unfriend like that! #bigpinklink

  52. November 27, 2016 / 10:31 pm

    Oh it’s hard so hard. If you don’t have children I don’t think you can understand and that sounds preachy but it’s true. I always think, once you have children you will understand… I am fortunate (kind of) in that as I live far from my #besties who aren’t mummies So I wasn’t invited to nights or anyway. Had we been closer then perhaps it would have been different. So many of my mum friends locally though have said exactly the same thing.m and lost previously dear fro new. I don’t think you’re alone and well it’s shit and sad actually but I fear it’s life. Listen to your gut as always it’s usually the right things to do #bigpinklink

  53. November 29, 2016 / 10:42 am

    And yet another of your posts that I can really relate to, I think we are quite similar personalities. This has happened to me a lot over the years. I’ve always had a bit of a rule that if a friendship makes you unhappy then it’s probably not a friendship anymore. It is hard though and I don’t think that social media helps at all. I’ve had plenty of times when I have been excluded from something for the reasons you describe, felt a bit miffed about it and then realised I probably wouldn’t have wanted to go anyway!

    I’m not a big drinker and I think that this has impacted on my friendships at times (not that they all revolve around getting hammered) as I think that people think I’m a bit square and am sat in judgement stone cold sober (I don’t at all, just not a big fan of alcohol).

    I’ve found friendships a little harder since having Siena as most of my friends are from when I had Grace (who is nearly 12) and there I was starting all over again with a new baby, whilst they were beginning to get their freedom back.

    I think you’ve done the right thing, it’s just sometimes you will be a bit nostalgic about the past (especially if you are a chronic over thinker like me!)

    #BigPinkLink

    • This Mum's Life
      December 1, 2016 / 7:35 am

      We do sound very similar! The nostalgia can be awful following an overthinking session, can’t it? I’m sad that you’ve gone through similar experiences with your friends, but it’s also weirdly comforting that I’m not alone xx

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