When Your Child Is An Assassin

assassin
My first child was the epitome of laid back. From rolling around the floor with his NCT mates when he was tiny, at a playdate, to exploring filthy toys in the toy corner at a ‘play café,’ to learning to climb the rickety climbing equipment and gain dexterity with the plethora of plastic crap at playgroup, he has been laid back. If someone snatches a toy from him-so what? He moves on to get something else. If he tries to join in with what someone else is doing, and they tell him to ‘GO AWAY!!’ I die a little inside, but he slinks away and does just that.

I was constantly told by well meaning grannies/family/whoever saw fit to comment on my second growing bump, that I’d ‘never get two the same.’ I was already beginning to think the same thing, as the largely dominant governing body of parenting-Sod’s Law-would more than likely deem it unfair that the first child had given me such an easy ride, and see to it that I was given the questionable behaviour of an entire continent’s worth of children the second time around, because, you know, that’s how it works.

I prematurely surrounded myself with an air of smugness, when for the first year, the second baby was possibly even more chilled out than the first. Sticking a victorious two fingers up to the haters, and silently mouthing ‘what do you know, suckers?’ to all the people had been clearly so wrong, I basked in my superiority that I had produced two children so chilled, they were practically frozen.

Anyone who has seen the Final Destination films, and is also aware of the influence Sod’s Law has over parenting, will know the drill-I was NOT going to escape this a second time. On his first birthday, my second child took his first steps. On that day, he also went through a transformation similar to that of Harry Enfield’s Kevin, when he moves from mild mannered child, to hideous teen. Mini Assassin, as he is referred to on the blog (clue’s in the name y’all,) suddenly, and out of nowhere, decided he was going to become the kingpin of his generation. He was going to be the Pablo Escobar of the toddler world. By the time he was walking confidently, he was putting out more hits on other kids than The Krays.

Whenever we go anywhere, he stops and surveys the room, and I swear he has some inbuilt Terminator scanner, chez Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1991, which calculates for him the assassin skill level, and threat level of all the other kids in the room-usually because his target of choice is children smaller than himself, often who are either crawling, or taking their first tentative toddles, and most horrifyingly, often girls. The latter of course clearly causes me to question whether his seriously underdeveloped moral compass will ever correct itself, and brings the very core of his moral fibre into question.

I also have to be right on top of my game, often resembling a Total Wipeout contestant, hurdling other children, scaling climbing equipment, and honing my own personal ninja air combat skills, to cross a room and stop him before he does any damage. I’ve become as skilled as the best of hostage negotiators, at talking down parents of his unsuspecting victims-using all my conflict resolution skills to prevent them reporting me to the police for being a terrible parent, and to stop him being frogmarched to the nearest juvenile detention centre, or school for seriously misbehaved kids.

He is unstoppable, probably not helped by the fact that statistically, he is The Hulk of children his age. He has just turned two, but is the highest end of the height and weight range of an average 3 year old-which probably makes his behaviour look even worse, as I’m sure people must think that I must be able to reason with him by now, and improve his need to bite, kick, scratch, and scalp other children by pulling their hair so hard. But he takes his role seriously, and once he’s taken out a hit on a child, he won’t stop until he’s completed the task-escaping from me like Houdini, until he has completed his mission.

ninja

As a very quiet, soft person, I particularly find apologising to other parents hard, especially when they look at me like I’m responsible for the threat of nuclear warfare, and have possibly given birth to the a child/demon hybrid. I fear that my presence at scenes of repeat offence, are causing me to be as popular as Donald Trump at a Women’s Equality Party event. I find going out stressful anyway, and of course bemoan the added stress of assessing every situation and the threat of an attempted assassination: number of small toddling girls present x the mood he is currently in = the risk of amber or red threat etc. For him, he is simply finding his way and place in the toddler food chain. I rationalise that he is displaying normal behaviour, just on a possibly exaggerated scale. So, I raise my glass, and send a virtual fist pump of solidarity to parents of other assassins-may the force be with you….!

Thanks for reading!

xoxo

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74 Comments

  1. April 11, 2016 / 6:10 am

    Oh no! That sounds so stressful! Can you try and find a toddler rugby group or something??? He sounds like he’d be a huge asset in a scrum!! 😉 I agree that it is totally normal toddler behaviour. Often, they don’t know what it feels like, maybe if you stand back a mo & let the other toddler retaliate, he might be a little less sure of himself the next time. Thanks for being my fabtastic cohost! #bigpinklink

  2. April 11, 2016 / 7:04 am

    I know it is cringe-worthy when your child acts out in public, but any sane mother can tell when it is nothing to do with your parenting skills, and all to do with age. Maybe it’s because I had three brothers (and quite a vicious scratcher for a sister) but I am yet to feel condemnation when another child attacks mine! #bigpinklink

  3. April 11, 2016 / 7:53 am

    Sounds like you are coping though!! I’ve no real advice or experience on this. I expect my chilled out 9 month old to be capable of ninja assassin status though. He’s in everything at the moment! I’ve not tried him near other babies yet!! Good luck! #bigpinklink

  4. April 11, 2016 / 7:55 am

    Aaaaah! Let me know where he hangs out and I will definitely not go there!
    But seriously, it is not my favourite when I see my son at work either – he sidles up to other kids and just takes their stuff. He also has the enormo-gene so looked about 5 when he was just turned 3 – oh the judgy stares of parents who think a) why is your giantic child not at school today and b) why are you allowing them to terrorise my poor dear?!
    So, I bump fists with you, lady. And thank my lucky stars for my chilled out second born – although, I may have spoken too soon on that one!
    x Alice
    #bigpinklink

  5. April 11, 2016 / 7:59 am

    Oh my goodness this is my second too! I think we had a brief Twitter chat the other day about how our second children are terrors! He does just what you say – surveys the room, barges into others etc etc etc. My first is also placid and slinks off if told to go away but I think the second is likely to punch anyone in the face who tells him to go away! So in a way, I’m quite pleased that he wont be a pushover – just as long as he stops being the one doing the pushing over soon 🙂 Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink again – such a great linky 🙂

  6. April 11, 2016 / 8:07 am

    Oh my goodness. I giggled through this…knowingly. This is my life! My 4yo is so chilled. 2yo not so much. I watch his little face when he enters a room and it shouts “right…what can I do in HERE” #bigpinklink

  7. April 11, 2016 / 8:13 am

    Bless him he is keeping you on your toes! But don’t feel apologetic – he’s finding his path and sussing out his own little personality. Ignore the judgy stares you may get and remember most mummies will totally get where you’re coming from. Thanks for hosting xx #bigpinklink

  8. April 11, 2016 / 8:16 am

    haha i can totally relate to this, only last night we were remembering the nursery nurse ringing off her mobile to tell me Elijah had managed to escape, and they coudnt even ring to tell me as all the phones and computers were suddenly down, by the time i got there they had found Elijah under the table in the office, where he had unplugged everything, bit of a shock to the system for them they were expecting a clone of his brother lol #bigpinklink

  9. April 11, 2016 / 8:20 am

    Great post. There’s definitely that thing before you become a mum when you think most kids are brats and cringe when you see a supermarket tantrum in progress. Wen you become a mum you realise all kids go through these phases and you just smile in acknowledgement and sympathy! #bigpinklink

  10. April 11, 2016 / 8:22 am

    Ha ha this is so funny, I really identify! Both of my kids are pretty “full on”, but my little one, who like yours has just turned two and is a bit of a bruiser…I think he’s just too used to having an older brother to wrestle with! So he thinks it’s acceptable to body-slam every child he meets…

    Still, maybe they’ve got a potential career as WWF fighters?!

    #BigPinkLink

  11. April 11, 2016 / 8:44 am

    Oh lordy, I think NC is going to be like this. He’s 7 months old now and eats: paper, cloth, wood, metal, plastic (well, he doesn’t but he would if I turned round for a second) … but only if someone else is holding it all. I will give you a fist bump in a few months’ time I’m sure. Sigh. (But I think it probably just means they’re alert … doesn’t it?) #bigpinklink

  12. April 11, 2016 / 8:49 am

    My two are the computer opposite too! My daughter is petite, loud, confident, would happily kick any child who even dares try’s to snatch something from her!!
    Whereas my son is tall, stocky, quite, sensitive and acts like someone snatching a toy from him is the worst thing that has ever happened.

    No idea where my daughter gets it from, my son gets his personality from my husband and myself. I’m constantly going around after her apologising for various things!

  13. April 11, 2016 / 8:53 am

    Toddlers are toddlers, they have their own stubborn minds and as you know, your parenting has bigger all to do with their character. Most other parents know this. If anyone looks disparagingly at my over exuberant daughter whilst she tries to hug their six month old st soft play much to their annoyance…. I apologise of course but inside I just think ‘just you wait!’

  14. April 11, 2016 / 9:34 am

    I am ALWAYS apologising to other parents too. I swear my boy only enjoys going to toddler group because it gives him ample opportunity to beat up other kids. It is so stressful being a mum to an assassin isn’t it? I will say this though, he is much better now than he was and biting/scalping/pinching has been replaced with pushing..still not nice for the baby/toddler on the other end but much easier to apologise for than when he would try and rip the hair off poor unsuspecting little girls. I hope things improve for you too soon, I totally know what you are going through xx #bigpinklink

  15. April 11, 2016 / 9:51 am

    I love your blog more every week – me and my husband have just been howling as I read this out to him! Our baby is currently (though it is still very early days) very chilled too and everyone comments on how happy he is; and even if his personality doesn’t change I am certain that any future children are going to be the devil’s spawn to compensate. My sister had one very chilled out daughter then one…less chilled out, shall we say? My mum was thrilled though as she wanted her to know what she had been through with my sister’s childhood and teen years! Thanks for hosting the #bigpinklink and for the laughs!

  16. April 11, 2016 / 10:43 am

    Laughing out loud here! My eldest is the difficult one, always has been but I am SO SO grateful that my youngest is more chilled out than him. If I had two like him I couldn’t cope! #bigpinklink

  17. April 11, 2016 / 10:51 am

    lol it’s so true though there really aren’t two the same!! My daughter just turned 3 but she takes 4 – 5 year old clothes so she looks much older than she is! It does make behaviour seem less appropriate when they are tall. Thanks so much for hosting #bigpinklink

  18. April 11, 2016 / 10:54 am

    “He was going to be the Pablo Escobar of the toddler world” – made me laugh out loud. Seems like you have your hands full there… wishing you lots of strength and many bottles of your favourite spirits 😉 Thank you for hosting #bigpinklink

  19. April 11, 2016 / 11:00 am

    Oh bless him! As you say he is just finding his way in the social systems. My son is uber sensitive and allows others to take things off him etc. sounding more like your eldest, but I feel like he is letting others walk over him sometimes.

  20. April 11, 2016 / 11:15 am

    I love the reference to the inbuilt terminator scanner and I also hate apologizing to parents. I had to do a lot of that when my big lad was younger. Would it help to say, He’ll grow out if it? Way to go on the ninja skills!

  21. April 11, 2016 / 12:06 pm

    I’ve got no advice, but wish you luck navigating your way though this particular stage of childhood …

  22. April 11, 2016 / 12:44 pm

    Hah hah! Made me laugh. Funny how just when you think you’ve got them sussesd they go and change behaviour and personality type. I’m sure he’s just going through an “assertive” phase. This too shall pass! Thanks for hosting #TheBigPinkLink xx

  23. April 11, 2016 / 12:52 pm

    There’s a toddling 2 (almost 3) year old at the daycare my kids go to after school. He falls under your ninja assassin assessment for sure! My kids are girls, and way older, and they still get “beat up” by this hulking toddler. They love him though, he is a sweetheart when he’s not in his crazy rambunctious moods. I’m sure your little guy will figure out his place in the hierarchy of toddler land eventually and maybe his assassin tendencies will settle out as he grows. Great post! 😀

  24. April 11, 2016 / 12:52 pm

    Hahaha! This is such a brilliantly written post, I feel like I know both your children! They both sound like amazing little dudes – don’t apologise to any other parent for their behaviour! #bigpinklink

  25. April 11, 2016 / 1:44 pm

    Yes – from one MOA (mother of assassin) to another – I salute you. Mine also walked on his 1st birthday and from thence forth has been a force of nature. I too know the cringe of constantly apologising. I can only say my assassin calmed when he started pre-school and again school. But he’s still a 5yr old to be taken notice of – and also very tall for his age. Soft plays, good friends and wine are my friends. Good luck! x #bigpinklink

  26. April 11, 2016 / 2:06 pm

    Great post! Brilliantly written – I was giggling all the way through. I feel a bit better about the toddler tantrums we had this morning now…

    • April 11, 2016 / 2:07 pm

      #bigpinklink (sleep deprivation – I keep forgettigng to add hashtags!)

  27. April 11, 2016 / 2:20 pm

    I’ll be honest, my son was an absolute dream for the first 9 + months of his life then the tantrums began (I thought I had the parenting lark licked). His tantrums got worse when he turned 2. Throwing himself on the floor in busy, public places is his main hobby, sometimes accompanied by screaming. If people tend to stare I inform them that taking a picture would last longer. They soon sod off. #bigpinklink

  28. April 11, 2016 / 3:16 pm

    I know a bit about how you feel – my boy has golden hair and bright blue eyes, he looks like a little angel. But believe me looks can be misleading – as his friend found out in the playground the other day when my lovely son socked him one in the nose! You can’t predict what they are ever going to do – and like you my boy is at the big end of the spectrum and he looks older than he is. I have become an excellent negotiator and I dull the guilt with a glass of wine in the evening! #bigpinklink

  29. April 11, 2016 / 3:17 pm

    Brilliant post! I have the female version, or should I say had? She has never been a nurturing girly girl. She would be the first one head first into a scrum, with wild hair and a look of mayhem in her eyes! She is still a “head first” kind of tot, but I have to admit that she is mellowing now that we’re at 3 1/2 (or is it now that her little brother can bite back?) Who knows? 😉

  30. April 11, 2016 / 3:31 pm

    This is a fear I have as my child grows! I hope I can handle it as well as you if the situation arises! Hope it improves as he grows! #bigpinklink

  31. April 11, 2016 / 4:27 pm

    Hahahaha!! Laughing loudly on my own at the kitchen table..

    “the toddler food chain”. I too have one child that would be eaten alive in that great circle of life and the other (I am confident) is capable of out-surviving cockroaches.

  32. April 11, 2016 / 5:14 pm

    I reckon he’s going to go far – tough, looks like he is intuitive and knows what to look out for! Maybe a bit embarrassing for you now but may be worth it!! Thanks for hosting x

  33. April 11, 2016 / 5:56 pm

    Oh I literally was crying as I read this – I LOVE the way you write – so engaging and super funny – thank you so much for sharing because I’m sure whilst it is fundamentally a funny post I can feel your pain under the surface somewhere. All the advice I can give is if a horror now then am sure he will be a dream of a teen – game set and match to you! #bigpinklink

  34. April 11, 2016 / 6:14 pm

    Oh My Goodness You had me rolling! I loved the Trump analogy. My family has all cursed me with a little assassin and so far my daughter at 8 months seems to be assertive and big hearted not an assassin, However she is only 8 months. I have fingers crossed!#bigpinklink

  35. April 11, 2016 / 6:14 pm

    You had me smiling the whole way through 🙂 Although my son isn’t this bad, he definitely has those moments where I can see the flash in his eyes and I know I need to leap in! It’s funny how you just know the anger is coming! #bigpinklink

  36. April 11, 2016 / 6:27 pm

    Love this – totally with you…neither of my two are erm, afraid to stand up for themselves..so I always have to keep one beady eye on them to be sure they don’t have their fists / teeth / nails in someone elses child. It’s usually as a result of someone having hit a nerve in some way, so I try to take comfort in the fact they’ll be able to stand their ground in this dog eat dog world! Whilst, obviously, telling them thats not how to behave…of course.
    #bigpinklink

  37. April 11, 2016 / 7:24 pm

    Ooopsie! Oh well on the plus side sounds like you’ve got back-up should things ever get a bit tasty!! 🙂 #bigpinklink

  38. April 11, 2016 / 7:29 pm

    My son was like a tornado when he was young so different to my daughter & it was a bit of a shock. He has calmed down a bit but still ‘lively’ don’t worry too much although my son now plays ninja’s at school & been told off several times! #bigpinklink Lifeinthemumslane

  39. April 11, 2016 / 8:36 pm

    Fab post, had me giggling from start to finish. Its crazy how our little ones can change personalities so drastically over night! Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink x

  40. April 11, 2016 / 8:42 pm

    And this is exactly why I can’t have a second…! Haha!! Ah maybe he’ll be a super child child though once he gets out of toddler stage? Perhaps going through the terrible twos early will make him the perfect teenager?! I look forward to hearing more via #bigpinklink, thanks for hosting! Xxx

  41. April 11, 2016 / 9:51 pm

    Hilarious! Kids can be the most mortifying creatures in public. My little man is also very tall for his age and it’s true that bigger kids do get held to “certain behavioural expectations” given that people think he’s older. He’s also a livewire, so I feel you!

    High 5 WonderMumma… we’ll be giggling about all the stress in a few years. When we’re worrying about new things. Who knew kids were so stressful! xx

    Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink

  42. April 11, 2016 / 9:52 pm

    Hahaha great description as always, I love your posts!! My baby is only 7 weeks old but already appears to be the complete opposite to her sister. It’s amazing exactly HOW different two children from the same gene pool can be! And pinkpearbear has a good idea there with toddler rugby… Good luck on your next outing, may the power be with you!! #bigpinklink

  43. April 12, 2016 / 12:54 am

    AAAAAhhhhhh yes; I know those giant leaps across other children well…it is necessary for crisis management; for the safety and well being of others. I, too, had chilled child one followed by Ninja two; but she was born ninja; day 1 baby ninja…it was on like donkey kong in hospital. We are freakin’ wonderwomen!!! #bigpinklink

  44. April 12, 2016 / 6:07 am

    I’m not sure I can offer any meaningful advice as mine are still too young although, my eldest 20 months, resembles your mild mannered first – in public anyway, different story at home! my second who is 9 months has also been remarkably chilled…I have that sense that this will change, if I’m honest I have started to see signs of change already! For what it’s worth I do believe it is nothing more than toddlers being toddlers, and I certainly wouldn’t worry yourself about it, it will certainly come into its own as he gets older xxx #bigpinklink

  45. April 12, 2016 / 6:16 am

    I feel a bit like this with my daughter, she is fast, and will run jump hop bounce over anything in her way. She has no spacial awareness at all! #bigpinklink

  46. April 12, 2016 / 8:43 am

    hilarious! my first was so laid back he was horizontal my second (3) is a different kettle of fish. he now known as the ‘threenager’ as that is exactly him! brilliant post x #bigpinklink

  47. April 12, 2016 / 11:51 am

    Oh, I found myself nodding along to your post, feeling much sympathy for you because that is so me with one of my children as well. I just tend to avoid the whole situation before it all goes down. Good news is that he is older now and so he is able to articulate what he feels, rather than acting out. Good luck! Loved your description. It does sometimes feel like they are trying to rule us and the world as well. #bigpinklink

    • April 15, 2016 / 10:51 am

      Thanks for sharing with #PasstheSauce!

  48. April 12, 2016 / 11:53 am

    Haha I know this so well! Berry was 4 in December and wear age 6-7+. He started walking at 9 months when his older sister had been a far more casual 13! Honestly the second child are always ninjas! I feel for you even if I did laugh once or twice x #BigPinkLink

  49. April 12, 2016 / 12:53 pm

    You surprise me when you say you’re quiet because I wouldn’t say that of the writer of this blog. The way you describe your second child is hilarious (maybe not in reality!) and I love how you liken him to the Hulk! My son is just starting to get a mind of his own and this is not productive for soft play environments, take this morning when he insisted on climbing in a spot another little boy was building a tower. #PassTheSauce

  50. April 12, 2016 / 3:43 pm

    It’s just the age for it I reckon. My two (nearly three) year old niece is just the same and is branded as the “bully” child at nursery and quite frankly, a bit of a ringleader. I am sure they will all grow out of it – after all, at only two years old they can hardly be expected to know right from wrong all of the time. Bloody hard work for you though! #BigPinkLink

  51. April 12, 2016 / 4:00 pm

    I wouldn’t worry too much, My 7 month old, regularly claws other babies in the face, I’m almost certain she does it on purpose. She’s either going to be a cage fighter or a bear. #bigpinklink

  52. April 12, 2016 / 7:18 pm

    Haha! My little girl is only one but is sooo much harder than her brother was at this age. Of course, her brother’s difficulties are now getting harder and harder to manage and so the little so-and-sos are double teaming me. Sigh. They will grow out of it, I’m sure! #bigpinklink

  53. Nige
    April 12, 2016 / 8:53 pm

    Really fantastic post to read just a bit close to home we have a similar child would have no idea how to advise #passthesauce

  54. April 12, 2016 / 10:44 pm

    Bahahahha!! I feel ya! My #3, pheww, she is like a tiny, crazy, ninja. I love your sense of humor. Sometimes it’s all we have left! Great post! #bigpinklink

  55. April 12, 2016 / 11:53 pm

    One day all us mama’s will sit back and smile because we deserve a medal for SURVIVING TODDLERHOOD! #bigpinklink

  56. April 13, 2016 / 9:49 am

    I love the way you describe him, although it must be so tough on you he sounds so adorable. I am sure it will get easier as you sound like you are on top of it all. Just keep rewarding the positives xx #bigpinklink

  57. April 13, 2016 / 11:07 am

    This sounds similar to my son, you sure know his presence current and when he had left, haha. X #bigpinklink

  58. April 13, 2016 / 12:24 pm

    I’m in the same boat as you but with my 18 month old daughter! She has no fear and her poor big brother gets it almost every time. #bigpinklink x

  59. April 13, 2016 / 7:14 pm

    You write so well, very very funny. I particularly loved the idea of you being a Total Wipeout contestant.
    If it’s any consolation I have a total drama queen diva so all it would take would be your son walking within an inch of her and she would be screaming blue murder which can be equally mortifying!

    The fact is kids have their own individual personalities and I find there is a tendency amongst parents to think they will all be the same (why is that?)

    It’s total toddler behaviour and if you apologise and a mum or dad doesn’t take it gracefully, then it’s their problem not yours. Sounds like you are doing your best and I’m sure he’ll grow out of it xx

    #bigpinklink

  60. April 14, 2016 / 10:04 am

    Popping back from #coolmumclub

    PS. Yesterday Tigs pushed over a little Tikes Car with her new friend (or should that be my new friends kid) in it. Thought of this post. *Shame*

  61. April 14, 2016 / 1:36 pm

    Hopefully he’ll grow out of it. When I was a baby I was perfect (my mother’s words) but then bit all my friends at nursery. Then became a chill child. My sister was a pain in ass from the beginning lol. #bigpinklink

  62. April 14, 2016 / 2:21 pm

    Despite the Hulk like tendencies your little one has, it sounds like he might be a famous boxer later on and repay you with loads of dolla bills!!! Haha The circle of life will repay you somehow right?! #Buddhism Love this post, as always, very funny and really well written. Although I have to be honest, I’m reading this while my little one sleeps, staring at him and hoping he is chilled out like Deep Thinker! (Ps. I don’t know why my badge is humongous, tried to change it to a more respectable size but will need to double check it worked!! Haha) thanks for sharing with #StayClassy!

  63. April 14, 2016 / 6:43 pm

    My eldest is, basically, an asshole. Maybe not quite on this scale as he is pretty small for his age (and thank God), but he has been known to unleash nuclear warfare, completely unprovoked. Most of the time he plays quite well with other children, but sometimes he’s just in the kind of mood where everyone and everything pisses him off. And then nobody wants to be around him. He has been known to hit, kick and bite. He is nearly 4 and still in the midst of the threenager stage (screaming I DON’T WANT TO, slamming doors, etc), so sometimes he can be reasoned with. But only sometimes. My youngest is 18 months and, as my husband puts it, as calm as Hindu cows. I feel for you. It’s hard having such a highly strung kid, and it’s hard watching a relaxed child being rebuffed by his peers. X #chucklemums

  64. April 14, 2016 / 11:09 pm

    Oh dear! I’m sure it is normal behaviour though! What you need is for him to take on the little girls that are my two toddlers. My eldest toddler would certainly do the telling off for you, saving you a lot of stress, and possibly surprising your son into submission from being told by an almost 3 year old: ‘You were very rude to me! Go to the naughty step for 100 years!’ My littlest toddler would scream ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ at him & whack him back. Problem solved! 😀 #bigpinklink

  65. April 15, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    Ah bless you. This did have me laughing out loud when you described him as the Pablo Escobar of the toddler world! He sounds just like the son of one of my friends, you could be describing him when he was a toddler. My friend always reminds me of the time he dragged my daughter across a soft play mat by her hair. He was a terror! Than almost overnight he morphed into the sweetest gentlest little boy you could ever meet – he’s five now and he’s the sort of kid who cries if he squishes a bug by accident! Thanks for hosting #bigpinklink I really enjoy linking up to this one 🙂

  66. April 17, 2016 / 10:32 pm

    It’s not fun now but on the bright side that level of moral flexibility and surgical precision gives a lot of career options in the future…just none that he could tell you about.

    #PickNMix

  67. April 18, 2016 / 6:00 am

    When he’s of age you should sign him up to karate it’ll be acceptable to assassinate their. My friend has an assassin she dies inside when hers has chosen her target x

  68. April 18, 2016 / 8:49 pm

    Oh hon! Monkey was little this way when he was younger so I feel your pain and he still has his moments now. I am sure you have many other comments saying the same things, your not alone 🙂 thanks for hosting #BigPinkLink x

  69. April 22, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    My two are chalk and cheese. The little one has a major stubborn streak. He loves being outdoors. So much so that the first thing he does when we arrive anywhere is throw a major tantrum about going inside! Hello relatives, please don’t take it personally! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  70. April 23, 2016 / 9:09 pm

    I am also the proud owner of a small assassin. It is soooooo stressful, every time I hear a child cry in soft play, I am confident he is at the root of it. He bites, he mounts, he knocks over, he punches in the face. He is total vandal. He’s getting better, but its hardwork. I read this post whilst nodding furiously. (not at the beginning bit, my firstborn is just as bad) but my little Hulk was a delightfully laidback baby and after the hardcore intensity of the first little madam, I though I had earned an “easy” child. Then he walked – also on his first birthday! I think we might be parenting the same child……………

  71. April 25, 2016 / 10:02 am

    Oh my God, you have my sympathy and thanks for posting this; I feel a bit better about my own toddler’s random acts of brutality now.

    He’s also a big for his age, but rather than consistently setting out to cause chaos at playgroup, he would alternate between sweetly looking after smaller kids and cooing over babies and slyly pushing them over while running around the room or downright shoving them halfway across the floor. Threats that we would go home that instant combined with appeals to his desire to be helpful and important by looking after his junior colleagues eventually made some progress, and now that he’s older the threat has diminished. He’s a big brother now and dotes on his six-week-old baby sister, constantly clambering over the buggy, cotbed, whatever she is in to get a look at her, which has its own hazards, but no jealous violence as yet. 🙂